Ah-Ri leans in, resting her head on my shoulder. “What was in her note?”
I smile at that because even though it hurts, the note included something. I get up. “Be right back.”
The room is still quiet when I return and put the note on the table.
Everyone stares at it.
Finally, Ah-Ri grabs it and starts to read, her eyes moving back and forth as she mouths the words.
“She wrote you a song.” A tear slides down her cheek. “And she told you to make a co-ed group called MXD. Her dying wish,”—more tears fall onto the table and collide with the letter my sister left. They probably mix with the tears I’ve already shed on that piece of paper—“was for you to do something brave. Because she felt like she wasn’t. Because she looked up to you. Because you were…” She collapses against me, bawling. “You were her hero.”
“I don’t feel heroic.” I hold Ah-Ri close. “I feel like a failure. I feel like I’m doing this for me.”
“No.” Ah-Ri sobs. “You’re doing this for her. And even if that means that you’re doing it for you, that’s still okay.”
“My parents don’t know everything,” I confess. “They think I just want to form a group. To be famous, to be more. To distract myself.”
“It is a distraction,” Haneul says. “But it’s a worthy one.”
I nod.
Jisoo’s been silent this entire time. With shaking fingers, she grabs the piece of paper and starts to cry silently. I’m shocked that she’s so moved until she starts to talk.
“A girl, another trainee, was bullying me. Sari was my hero that day, she stood up for me. Told the girl to back off. Sometimes when I was sad, she’d share her lunch with me or encourage me. I know she was tired, but she was my inspiration.” Her eyes meet mine. “I told myself I would be just like her one day with other trainees. That I’d help encourage rather than compete.”
“That was her.” I can barely find my voice. “She was the best.”
The room falls silent.
Finally, Haneul stands. “Well, I think we finally have a real group name then.”
I jerk my head up. “What?”
“MXD.” He holds out his hand. “I say we change from MNE to MXD.”
Ah-Ri stands and puts hers on top of his, followed by Jisoo. Finally, I place my shaking hand on theirs.
“Now, it’s real.” Haneul nods. “And we know what other song we debut with.”
“Hers?” I ask, not sure I understand.
Haneul shares a look with me. “It’s what Sari would have wanted. It’s her final message. It’s her hope. It’s our future.”
I try not to cry.
I fail as we all hug.
And later that night, when Ah-Ri stays and holds me, I finally realize the pieces that I was so terrified to pick up and acknowledge, were the ones I needed the entire time.
Maybe it’s through pain, bleeding, and suffering that you mourn and are finally able to look at the sunrise and smile.
Chapter Sixteen
Ah-Ri
Showcase Day
It’s been two weeks.
I’m terrified.
Everything that could go wrong, down to our soundcheck, has gone wrong. On top of that, Ryan’s parents are in the audience, and when our label announced our debut, the world basically lost its mind.
We were trending worldwide on Twitter.
Sookie didn’t exactly help since he started tweeting about it.
And, as promised, I didn’t go look at comments, but I know it’s going to be equally bad and good on social media.
Everyone’s watching.
To make matters worse, CEO Siu is at the Showcase, backstage. They’re all there to support us, but my nerves are stretched to the point where I wonder if I’m going to just pass out when the lights hit me onstage.
We’re all wearing white. Part of the concept with this song from Ryan’s sister was a second chance. Heaven. Hope.
I’m in a tight crop top, a white skirt, and boots. Jisoo has on a similar outfit, but she’s wearing tight pants.
The guys are both in nearly see-through white shirts, which I’m sure will make the world go wild since they’re so good-looking. Both of them even bleached their hair—Haneul went lighter, and Ryan took his as light as it would go. I’m still trying to get used to it.
I have grayish-white extensions in my hair, and Jisoo decided to just go with it and wear a blond wig.
All in all, we look like angels.
Though the guys still look fallen. And if Ryan keeps sending me those smirks, I’m going to lose it.
He comes up behind me after I’m done with makeup. I stare at him through the mirror, my nerves clearly apparent as he hugs me from behind. “Someone could see.”
“Let them.” He kisses the side of my neck. “Let them know that I found someone.”
Tears start to form in my eyes, burning them. “Don’t. Don’t make me cry right now.”
He laughs. “Sorry, I just saw you standing here and really think that maybe you’re my angel. Maybe when we die, we leave someone other than a memory. Maybe we leave a blessing or a gift for the people we leave behind. Maybe we leave a treasure.” His eyes meet mine. “My treasure’s you.”