No.
And now I was here, and he was…
“Oh my God.” My jaw flopped open, chin practically hitting my chest, as there on the path was a pretty good body double for Duncan. Rumpled shirt though. Duncan almost never did rumpled. And like three days of beard. And a tentative smile for me.
That was real. I’d know that cautious look anywhere.
“Duncan? What are you doing here?” I gasped as his long strides carried him to stand in front of me.
“I came for you.”
“Wow.” I had to swallow several times to get more than a single syllable out. “How did you know I was here? I didn’t even tell Kate.”
“You were hurting.” His voice was tight, and the pain in his eyes far exceeded whatever heartsickness I’d been suffering from myself. “It was pretty easy to guess you’d go home. As for the park, I decided to check here first. I got lucky, but I was prepared to throw myself on your mother’s mercy if that’s what it took to find you.”
“She likes you.” I smiled at him, lips wobbling like my body was deciding between laughing or crying.
“She’s nice to everyone who eats her food. I’m more concerned with if her son hates me.” His shoulders were high and tense, whole body at attention like there was a good chance I might reject him.
Fuck. I really had messed up if he believed that. “I don’t hate you. I couldn’t. Sit. Please.”
I pointed to the open seat next to me and waited for him to unfold his stiff muscles. Even sitting, he still radiated tension, so I made an effort to let out a little chuckle.
“A better question might be if you hate me. You’ve got plenty of reasons to be angry.”
“I do?” He frowned, head tilting as if he were genuinely confused.
“I tried to force your hand, get you to go public.” I studied the cracked cement under the bench, the squashed grass near our feet. Anything other than his face. “I was only thinking of me, not you. I didn’t really grasp the consequences for you. I’d understand if you were mad. I’ve been rather selfish.”
Admitting all that was hard, and my voice finished the barest of whispers. Duncan placed a hand on my knee, steady and reassuring. I might not deserve him, but I sure as hell welcomed the contact.
“I’m not mad. And you’re not selfish. You’re one of the most giving people I know.” The hint of sexiness in his tender gaze was enough to make heat gather low in my belly as he continued. “It’s one of the things I like most about you. You care about everyone, even to the point where you probably should put yourself first. You need reminders to take a minute for yourself.”
I made an indignant noise. “You do the same thing!”
“Yup.” He laughed for the first time since his unexpected arrival, the most welcome of sounds.
“And maybe that’s why we need each other.”
“Guaranteed downtime?” Duncan gave a rich chuckle before exhaling hard, much of the tension leaving his broad shoulders. “You’re right. I tend to think of everyone else other than me and what would make me happy.”
For the millionth time, I wished I’d given him a chance to answer me back in the hotel suite. But we were here now. Second chance.
I swiveled my upper body so I could look more directly into his eyes. “This is me asking: what would make you happiest, Duncan? What do you want?”
“You. I want you,” he answered with gratifying speed and conviction. “And us. I want that space where we both remember to take breaks because we have each other.”
“I want an us too. And you. I want us taking care of each other. But I get the reasons you can’t do this.”
“Maybe they don’t matter as much as I thought,” he countered.
“No, they do.” If he wasn’t going to stand up for himself, I’d have to do it for him. “Being worried about your reputation isn’t you being idealistic and stubborn. You need to prove to yourself that you’re not your dad. That’s a real thing. And you have people counting on you, and you’re not going to let them down. You’re not going to be selfish, even when you might really want to be. It wasn’t about me or how much you want me.”
“Wow.” He whistled through his teeth. “Sure you haven’t been riding around in my brain? Or talking psychology with Danny?”
“Nah. Just sitting here thinking.” I gestured at the bustling park, which was paying us zero attention. “I wasn’t being fair and considering what’s important to you. I didn’t make any effort to see your side.”
“Well, I also wasn’t exactly open to compromise.” Duncan tightened the hand he’d left on my knee. “You told me how you felt, and I kind of stomped all over it. I’m sorry.”