Wretched Love

Caroline rolled her eyes at this. “We are not talking about feelings. In fact, we are not talking at all.” She nodded to me. “We need to give Kate the chance to talk.”

I took a large gulp of my drink with three sets of inquisitive female eyes on me. None of their gazes were hostile. Not in the slightest. They were kind, warm, curious.

“I, um, we’ve only known each other for a few days,” I said.

Macy nodded.

“So, um… I don’t know if there’s anything to tell?”

All of the women gaped at me.

“Honey, two days in the alpha male world is like… forever,” Freya offered. “These guys don’t fuck around,” she paused, looking toward the double doors. “Well, Hades fucked around, if you want to get specific. But that’s only because he was trying to protect me from himself or whatever.” She waved her hand. “He knew with me the second I picked him up off the parking lot ground after he was stabbed.”

Now it was my turn to gape. “Stabbed?” I repeated.

Another dismissive hand wave. “Oh, ancient history. He was fine.” She looked at Caroline. “And technically, with Jagger, she thought he was dead for like what, a decade? But that again was because he was trying to protect her from himself. And then he had to hold her captive for a little while because she was doing a story on the club.”

I was not sure whether my mouth was just hanging open right now or not, but it sure did feel like it.

“Don’t worry, our story has a happy ending,” Caroline offered with a warm smile.

“Let’s not scare Kate off now,” Macy jumped in, patting Freya’s thigh. She focused her green eyes on me. “What’s she’s saying, honey, is that these men are… different. The life they’ve chosen to lead makes them more in tune with their emotions than your garden variety man.” She took a sip of her drink. “I’m not going to lie to you, this life can be dangerous.”

Her eyes went faraway for a second before she refocused on me. “So the way the men in the club live their lives is like they are going to die tomorrow,” she said. “And before they meet their woman, the way they do that is by screwing a lot of other women. They know immediately whether it’s just fucking or if it’s something more. And once they know, it’s done. They’re done. They don’t question it. They commit.”

My mimosa was gone by that point, and I didn’t even remember drinking it.

“Commit?” I repeated. “You mean Swiss is committing to me for…”

“Ever,” Freya finished for me happily.

All of the women were smiling at me. No, beaming at me. They were obviously happy for me. Happy for Swiss, as it was clear that they cared about him. Loved him.

And, if I was somehow a different person, without all of the baggage, without all of the lies, I’d be happy too. Ecstatic even.

But it was not that simple. It never was.

“Welcome to the family!” Macy cheered.

I smiled my best fake smile and gripped my wine glass, hoping it wouldn’t break. Hoping I wouldn’t break.

I didn’t decide to get drunk.

First, I was caught up in the festivities of the morning. And then there were the women who were constantly refilling my glass. At some point, there were tequila shots.

I had never done a tequila shot in my life.

Once Freya had found that out, she began feeding them to me until her, Hades and the baby left. She informed me that since I wasn’t breastfeeding that she had to live vicariously through me.

The other two women were not breastfeeding, and they had husbands who were staying sober. Husbands who, by the way, made it clear that they adored their women. They were always touching them, staring at them, kissing or yanking them away for a quickie down the hall somewhere.

That was Caroline and Jagger. She came back without her lipstick on, her hair mussed and eyes bright.

The entire situation was like nothing I’d ever experienced. It only amplified my feeling of unease, an imposter syndrome that I couldn’t shake.

Well, I learned that I could shake it.

With tequila.