Day 17
Dating should not be filledwith this much anticipation and trepidation all rolled into one. Especially when I already know and trust the guys. When I’m confident that nothing will happen because we’ll have eyes on us at all times.
Still, I’m dreading tonight. It’s the first real solo date since arriving, but I’m happy it’s with Callen. His sense of humor will put me at ease, at least that’s what I’m hoping for. I’d be more relaxed if I knew what we were doing, but the guys refuse to tell us anything.
They get to plan the dates. They had to have them approved by the production team. I’m sure it’s a whole ordeal with the cameras and such. There are only so many things I can think for us to do where we’d have time to get to know each other and talk.
Because as much as I enjoyed watching a movie with Lennon last night, we didn’t talk. We didn’t kiss either. He held my hand, fed me popcorn, made sure I was comfortable, and we watched the movie. Or at least pretended to. I was distracted by the heat from his body when I snuggled into his side.
Every noise made me jump, even though there was a comedy playing.
People came and went every so often, never interrupting us. It could have been anyone in the room. They never spoke up. Not even a hello. I knew who it was, though. And he made his presence known about every half hour.
Did I want to turn around and wave? Of course. But I didn’t. I kept my eyes trained on the screen in front of me. On the feel of Lennon’s body pressed against mine. I tried to give him my complete attention considering it was supposed to be our time together, yet my mind kept wandering to Jace.
What was he doing? Who was he with?
I found out after the movie ended that all the guys were at the pool, listening to music and drinking. Everyone waved to us as we walked past, headed back to my villa. Everyone except Jace. His eyes pierced mine, and I didn’t look away until I was forced to. Still, I felt his stare long after he was out of sight.
When Lennon asked to come in, I feigned exhaustion. I was tired, but it was more my uncertainty. My heart was making a decision. I knew it. I think he knew it. The last thing I wanted was to lead him on any longer than I already had. I needed to put on my big girl panties and let him down easy.
The words wouldn’t come, though.
They were on the tip of my tongue, and then he leaned in and gently placed a kiss to the side of my mouth, bid me goodnight, and walked away without looking back.
Gentle and sweet. Not pressuring me into inviting him in. Accepting of the circumstances. Still, the kiss told me he wasn’t giving up. That he was going to fight.
Had I? Given up? Stopped fighting?
Nope. The exact opposite. A war raged inside me. A storm that refused to pass.
As I lay in bed last night and looked over the schedule, a small smile formed. I have a date every day this week leading up to elimination on Sunday. Friday and Saturday are with Jace and Lennon, respectively. I have all week to figure out what the hell I’m doing. Not that time is going to help solve my problem.
Knowing me, I will have my mind made up only to change it once I spend time with them.
Flip-flopping.
At least, that’s what Naomi said last time I talked to her.
“Every time you call, you want a different person,” she said as she let out an exhausted sigh.
“That’s not true. I just can’t decide if—”
“I know. Jace or Lennon. Lennon or Jace. Who is it today? Which one is winning?”
I couldn’t tell if she was irritated or just tired. The kids had been extra rowdy this week and driving her crazy. Spring break is right around the corner, and they’re eager to have time off. So is she and she deserves it. The woman never goes on vacation. Hell, the last time we took a day trip together was two summers ago, right after she graduated. I still had a year left, so we used the trip to celebrate her success and as one last big hurrah for me before starting my senior year.
“Does it really matter? I’m the one that’s losing.”
“Right. Explain that to me again.”
“I’m losing my mind. My sanity is gone. I want both of them, and I don’t feel like I deserve either of them. Hell, after Lennon caught Jace and I making out, I felt awful. And you know what the first thing that popped into my head was?” I gave her a second to answer, but when she didn’t, I continued. She knew what I was going to say. “Wren. In that moment, I was just as bad as him. I was the cheater.”
Naomi cleared her throat, paused, and then all she got out was a strangled “Pres...”
“I get it’s a little different. You don’t have to say it out loud, but still, I couldn’t shake the feeling. I don’t want to be this person. I know this is how the game is played. If I want to stay, I need the votes. I need both of them to want me here. And honestly, I want both of them here. I enjoy their company. I just wish it didn’t feel wrong.”
“Presley, it feels wrong because you have morals. Because you actually give a shit what they think of you. Because the last thing you want to do is hurt either of them. I guarantee they know what they’re getting into. They signed up for the show to make out with everyone, I’m sure. To get some action from whichever hottie paid them attention.