Love or Lust (LOL): Part 2

“For what it’s worth, here’s my two cents. Let yourself feel. Push away the stigma that you’re a bad person for kissing both of them. You’re not cheating. This is a game, and though there will be consequences and someone will end up losing, they both know that. So enjoy the time you have with them. Don’t be afraid of falling because, at the end of the day, that’s what this is all about, and you know it. The one person you’re afraid will get hurt... is you.”

I was in tears by the time Naomi was done. She knows me better than anyone. She’s not afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear, especially when I need her to. I couldn’t ask for a better friend, and even though I wasn’t excited she tricked me into coming here, I will find a way to pay her back, tenfold. Because it was exactly what I needed to help heal my broken heart.

When I think of Wren, I don’t break down in tears anymore. The anger is still there, but I think that will always linger. The hurt, the feelings of betrayal, they don’t have the hold on me they did only a few weeks ago. Being thrust into this position forced me to stop obsessing about what happened and to open my eyes to the possibilities in front of me.

Jace and Lennon.

I changed the subject after that, though I wish I hadn’t. Naomi informed me she ran into Wren. Who was alone. Who looked like shit. And he asked about me. He’s tried to call me twice since I’ve been here, and I’ve sent him to voicemail both times. Not that I’ve listened to the messages. The last thing I want to hear is his voice, his apology. It won’t change the way I feel.

Just hearing his name had rage coursing through my veins. Enough that I let Naomi go and felt the need to go for a run. Lacing up my sneakers, I quickly made my way across the ranch to the building that houses the fitness center. There was music playing overhead when I walked in, but I was alone. Which was good because all I wanted was to run on the treadmill and get lost in my thoughts.

The solitude didn’t last long. I was only a mile into my run when Courtney and Milo walked in, hand in hand. Well, that was a new development. They quickly split apart when they spotted me staring, Courtney jumping on a treadmill next to me while Milo went for the hand weights.

I didn’t ask. I wasn’t in the mood. Instead, I closed my eyes and focused on the last four miles. Gripping the handrails for dear life, I was spent by the time the machine beeped at me, slowly coming to a stop. Out of breath and dripping with sweat, I grabbed my phone and headed back to my villa without even saying goodbye.

That was two hours ago. I’m still sitting on my couch, sipping water and trying to calm my racing heart. My phone’s in my hand, the thought of calling Wren and telling him to fuck off all I can focus on. That would require me hearing his voice, though. His deep, masculine, sexy-as-fuck voice. The same voice that used to bring me to my knees when he’d call out my name as he came unglued.

After throwing my phone into the cushions of the couch, I finally toe off my shoes and strip, not caring that the hidden cameras are getting a free show. I have a date in an hour, and the last thing I want is for Callen to show up and for him to be repulsed because I still smell.

Mini-golfing.

Go-cart racing.

I couldn’t have asked for a more fun activity to take my mind off everything else. Callen is full of energy tonight, and his jokes are spot on, getting me to laugh even though I didn’t think I’d be able to.

“You know,” I say as the cameraman takes the mini cam he forced me to wear while we raced around the track. “I really think, after all this is over, you should come visit me in St. Louis.”

“Are you inviting me over?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“Yes, because I honestly think you and Naomi would hit it off.”

“You may have mentioned that a time or ten tonight.”

I’ve been talking about her all night. He’s interested, but I can tell he’s hesitant at the same time. He hasn’t said why, but when I told him she was an elementary school teacher, he seemed to freeze for a second.

Taking my hand, Callen leads me over to the snack bar. We’re standing behind a family of four. The little girl is in her daddy’s arms, facing us, smiling. When I give her a small wave, she tucks her head against his neck and wraps her little arms around him.

She’s adorable but shy.

“You ever think about that? Having kids?” Callen asks, catching me off guard.

“Of course. Someday. When I don’t feel like the bottom is going to fall out from under me. What about you?”

He only nods, staring off into space as if I’ve touched on a painful memory.

Loaded with two hot dogs each and bottled water, we take an empty picnic table and sit across from each other. If it had been Jace or Lennon, I probably would have sat next to them.

“So tell me your darkest secrets,” I joke as he bites into his first hot dog.

“I don’t think you can handle the darkness,” he replies, his voice taking on a serious tone I’ve never heard from Callen before.

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” He seems to think it over for a minute before he nods in agreement. “The reason I’m here is because Naomi tricked me into it. I didn’t want to come because my heart was broken and this wasn’t how I thought it would be fixed. I caught my ex in bed with another woman. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I built my future around him, and when everything came crashing down around me, I shattered into a million pieces. Like everything around me went dark. I had no job, no home, nothing. And what hurt the most... he wasn’t just in bed with anyone. He was in bed with someone I knew. I’ve never told anyone that before.”

“I’m guessing this someone was close to you and not only did he betray your trust, but so did she.”

I offer Callen a smile, but it falls flat. Even thinking her name brings it all back. The images. Them together. Her on top of him, calling out his name. In our bed. On the sheets I had changed that morning.

“You know, you’re a lot stronger than you think, right? Not many people would be able to survive that with a smile on their face. It takes some people years before they’re back on their feet and ready to even entertain the idea of being with someone else, yet you have options, and you seem to want to entertain them.”