Love or Lust (LOL): Part 2

Day 20

He triedto talk to me.

Not that I gave him a chance. One step in my direction, my name a whisper on his lips, and I sprinted out of the fitness center as fast as my legs would carry me. I couldn’t get out of there quick enough, though. My legs felt heavy, my body weighed down by the pain in my heart.

I heard him behind me. Gaining on me. So I went to the one place I knew would hurt him the most.

Jace’s villa.

The door was unlocked, and I didn’t bother knocking. He was standing in his kitchen in only a pair of boxer briefs, my sudden intrusion startling him. A slow smile began to creep across his face until he saw the despair on mine.

I was wrapped protectively in his arms before I could blink. And that’s where I stayed the rest of the night. He didn’t ask me any questions. Didn’t force me to talk when it was clear I didn’t want to. He just took me to bed, tucked me against his body, and held me tight.

The ache in my chest is still present when I wake up, Jace’s arm slung over me, our legs tangled in the sheets. As comfortable and safe as I felt, I didn’t sleep well last night, my dreams and reality colliding, making it unbearable to close my eyes at times.

I want to be angry. To feel betrayed.

To hate Lennon. Or Courtney. Or even the damn situation I’m in right now.

I can’t.

Because this is a game, and I know that. They’re both playing along, doing whatever it takes to stay here as long as possible. I can’t fault either of them for that. It would be wrong.

Yet, the pain refuses to dull, and I don’t understand why. That’s what kept me up most of the night. Well, that and Jace’s light snoring in my ear, but mostly my thoughts. Attempting to get a grip on why I’m feeling the way I am. To figure out what it is that I’m feeling. To name it. Accept it. Move on from it.

“You’re gorgeous with bed head,” Jace whispers in my ear, tightening his grip around my waist.

If I’d slept more than a few hours, he might have a different opinion, but I don’t tell him that. I shyly smile over my shoulder at him and try not to breathe my fiery morning breath in his direction.

“I should probably head back to my place,” I state, tossing back the covers, but he doesn’t let me crawl out of bed. Instead, he keeps his arms wrapped protectively around me and smiles against the side of my neck.

“It’s my day, though,” he states matter-of-factly, his lips grazing the sensitive spot just below my ear.

“Yes, but our date isn’t until later tonight.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t spend the day together. Here, in bed.”

If I weren’t in the midst of an emotional crisis I didn’t understand, I would love to entertain his idea. The fact I can barely keep my eyes open and focus on the feel of his body pressed against mine tells me I need time alone. To sleep. To contemplate life. My next move. If I still want to be here. If I can handle it.

Because that’s my biggest concern right now.

Jace may be my date tonight, but Lennon is my date tomorrow. Time alone with him is less than appealing right now. It’s downright upsetting to even think about.

“Presley,” Jace whispers, his fingers drawing circles on my stomach. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Even if it’s something you don’t want to talk about?”

“You can talk to me about anything.”

It feels wrong to share this with Jace, but he might be the only person who will understand.

“Have you kissed anyone else?”

“I’ve kissed a lot of women,” he starts, smiling against my neck before kissing the same spot, sending a shiver up my spine. “But I have a feeling that’s not what you meant. And the answer is, no, I haven’t, but even if I had or if I do, I need you to remember something.” He pauses, slowly turning me in his arms so we’re face to face. “There’s no one else I want to kiss other than you. That doesn’t mean it won’t happen. We both know how this game is played. Sometimes you have to make a sacrifice to stay a little longer, and if that’s what needs to happen so I can be here with you until the end, I’ll do it. I won’t like it, but I also won’t think twice. Is that what kept you from falling asleep last night? Because I’ve never had a woman toss and turn as much as you did in my arms.”

A playful smile teases his lips, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He’s trying to lighten the mood, but I can see his genuine concern.

“I went to the fitness center to run on the treadmill and walked in on Lennon and Courtney.” Thankfully, my confession lacks all emotions, just the way I wanted it to.