Day 29
Decision dayas I’m now calling it.
It has a nice ring to it, I think.
It’s better than calling it the “day of dread” like I have been in my head. Because I honestly do dread this day every week. It’s scary to think I might be leaving this place.
Still, I gather my things and make sure I’m prepared in case I’m the one packing up in a few hours. I don’t want to think about going home yet. About leaving this place. Leaving Bella. Leaving Jace. Still, I pulled my suitcase from the back of the closet and opened it on the bed, tossing in my dirty clothes.
I wasn’t going to pack everything in case I was lucky enough to be granted one more week here. I was going to get organized, though, in case I was the one given five minutes to get my shit and get out. I didn’t want to leave anything behind.
Or anyone.
My breathing hitched as the first tear fell. I didn’t realize I was getting emotional until it was too late to stop it from happening. Staring at the bathing suit in my hands, the one from the other day that caused Jace to drop the drink he was holding, I think back over the last few weeks. The good times I’ve had.
The moments spent laughing.
Making a fool of myself.
The pull I felt for both Lennon and Jace.
Making the choice.
Mostly, I think about the friends I’ve made. Everyone else who came here. We all were chosen for the same reason but agreed with a different outcome in mind. Some of us had our sights set on the money, while others came here to find a connection. To find love.
And then some came for a good time.
There are some I know I’ll stay in touch with. Jace and Lennon, of course, but a few others as well.
Then there are some I’ll never see or hear from again. Which is fine. Gage wasn’t my biggest fan, and I wasn’t his. Based on the last few days, I’m not sure I’d want to be friends with Courtney or Teegan after this. Their true colors are starting to show.
We all put on an act the first few weeks. Didn’t let anyone get close to us. Kept our opinions to ourselves and played nice.
The gloves have come off, and we’re all fighting for the chance to be here, to stay another week. To survive elimination tonight.
Two of us won’t.
My fear isn’t just for myself but also for the guys. I like all of them for different reasons. I don’t want to see any of them leave, but I know one of them has to. Just like one of the girls will have to.
It could be me. Or Jace. Or Lennon.
Hell, there’s no telling who it’s going to be until we get there and it’s announced. For all I know, our votes might mean shit. They could have already decided the outcome of the show before we even arrived.
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Ed seems like a sneaky bastard, and Claudia isn’t much better.
My phone chimes, the sound muffled. I tossed it on the bed before I started pulling clothes out to pack. Searching the mess I’ve made, I finally locate it wrapped in a pair of underwear.
JACE: Can’t wait to see which dress you wear tonight. Make sure to pick out comfy shoes. I have plans for us after.
My fingers are poised to type a response, but I can’t bring myself to type the words I want to say.
What if I’m going home?
JACE: I can hear you freaking out from here. Take a deep breath and try to calm down. Everything is going to be just fine. You’re not going anywhere.
JACE: And neither am I.