5
Maggie satin a lawn chair next to Harry.The big man was slouched sullenly in a chair of his own, smoking a cigarillo. The smoke curled around him, and she could recognize the scent as the same brand that Gideon always seemed to have on him. “You smoke?” She arched an eyebrow at him.
Harry raised a silver cigarette holder. It read G.R. in twisting, intricate initials on the cover. “Want to see if I can finish them all before he notices.”
She laughed. “You’re such an asshole.” Sinking back into the lawn chair, she looked down at it. It was just as expensive looking as everything else. Which didn’t seem like it could be done, seeing as all outdoor furniture consisted of a frame and a scratchy cushion. But apparently, she was wrong. And the chairs looked fancy.
“I promise he started it.” He took another long drag of the cigarette and let it out slowly. “Wish I could really taste it.”
“So…all those nights we sat around smoking weed and eating Chinese food, you were just faking it?” She pulled her legs up under herself and turned to sit sideways and face him.
He shook his head. “Nah. I mean. Like you’re saying, sure. Couldn’t really taste it. Couldn’t get high. Everything is muted somehow. Like I’m experiencing it through a wall. But I wasn’t faking the rest.” He frowned and took another deep pull off the cigarillo. “Wouldn’t trade those nights for anything.”
That made something cinch painfully in her heart. She watched him thoughtfully for a long moment as the man dutifully finished one cigarillo, put the stub out on the expensive chair, and then flicked it away and lit up a second. “Why do you put up with Gideon if you hate him so much?”
She knew the answer.
But she wanted to hear him say it.
“You.” He scowled at the cigarillo. “I don’t remember much of who we were before—before that twatwaffle in there came into our lives. But I know, I just know, that you were the only person to ever see me for me. You’re my best and only friend in this entire world.” He puffed on the lit cigarillo, inhaling as deeply as he could to make the tiny cigar burn as fast as possible. “And I’m gonna stay here at your side until I know you don’t need me anymore.”
“Then you’ll be free?”
“If he lets me. But I think so. He wants me gone just as badly as I want to be gone. So I’m here until this is all over with, one way or the other.”
Reaching out, she took his hand and held it. “Thanks.”
“At least I can feel. I think I’d go nuts if I couldn’t feel things. Let alone tripping over shit all the time.” He squeezed her hand gently. “Why’re you going out to dinner with Gideon?”
She shrugged a single shoulder and looked away. She watched the leaves of a tree across the street from the back gate blow quietly in the wind. It was a gray, overcast morning. “Before you say it, I know I can’t trust him. I know I can’t. But I feel…drawn to him somehow.” She sighed. “This is all going to be too much information for you.”
“Just because I don’t feel sexual attraction doesn’t mean I don’t understand the concept of it.”
“Are you asexual because you’re dead?”
“No. I remember being like this when I was alive. You and I? I think we’ve both always been a little broken. No clue if my bits don’t work now because I’m dead, or because I’m dead and broken.”
“You’re not broken.”
“Sure. And you’re not insane.”
She laughed and let go of his hand but leaned to her side to rest her head on his shoulder. He tipped his head to kiss the top of hers. “Thank you for being here.”
“Of course.”
She shut her eyes, letting herself enjoy the company for a moment. “Yeah. I’ll admit it. I’m attracted to him. And the way he looks at me? I want to give him a chance. I don’t know why, but something in me just wants to let him…explain himself. Or make good on something. It’s weird.”
“He loves you. That’s hard to ignore. Especially for people like us, who have always been on the outskirts.”
“Do you remember who we used to be?”
“Bits and pieces. Mostly just feelings. I know I was a first-born who couldn’t get it up, and that made me broken. I know you were an illegitimate princess, and that made you the same. We were both semi-useless pawns in other people’s games. So when you have somebody rich, and powerful, and suave saying he loves you? I don’t blame you for wanting to see what that’s like.” He grunted. “Doesn’t mean I don’t wanna run him over in a car a dozen times.”
Reaching up, she pulled Harry down into a hug and squeezed him tightly. “Thank you.”
He hugged her back. “If you decide you hate him, I’ll be by your side. If you decide you love him back, I’ll be by your side. Only when I know you’re going to be okay will I be able to rest.”
She let out a breath and sat back. “No pressure.”