Before I lost my real brother.
“Come inside,” I say, forcing the smile onto my face. “Let me get you a proper drink,” I say, taking them through to the kitchen part of the open plan area. Sorrow is nowhere to be seen, so I offer my old friends a seat, and then it’s awkward as fuck.
“Bourbon, if you have one,” Jude says.
“Ignore him, he’s driving. We’ll all have a soda,” Lorca adds. I take my time making their drinks and then pour myself a large whisky. The nerves of my right hand were damaged when she stabbed me. I wasn’t trying to stop her, my hand just got in the way. But the result is that I can’t fucking use my hand much anymore. Riding a bike is a bitch. It’s a good job I’m left-handed or I wouldn’t be able to hold a gun either.
“So,” I say, turning around, bracing myself for the internal destruction that comes with her eyes on me. “You’re all here? Why?”
Why the fuck are you here? Now? I waited for weeks in that hospital bed for one of these fuckers to come and visit me. And no one came. I only found out later she got arrested. But during that time, I fell into the darkest fucking pit of despair.
Only in my dreams did she come, Viola and my goddam brother, fucking haunting me.
I never wanted to end it more than those weeks after.
I even tried.
But they stopped me—my family. They reminded me, that this life is all I have.
I am my family.
“Why are we here? Have you heard yourself?” Jude seethes. “I went to fucking juvie for you.” I just stare at him. What a cunt. I never fucking asked him to.
“We’re just here to see how you are. Lola wouldn’t let us see you after…” Lorcan tries, but I don’t hear it. I only have eyes for the bitch that tried to kill me, after I told her I loved her. I never loved anyone as much as I loved her. I take a swig of my drink and let her see just how much I fucking hate her. She still looks the same, maybe a bit skinnier. Her brown eyes are shuttered, closed off. I used to try and get her to open up, thinking she had emotions.
Now I know….
She’s dead inside. Just like me. Maybe we deserve each other?
“I’m fine. Still recovering, but I’m fine,” I say, staring at Viola as she stares back like no one else exists. “I’ll get over it,” I say in a shitty tone to Jude. “So will you,”
How am supposed to fucking marry her?
I can’t even be in the same room as her.
“Who are all these people? Why are they here?” Lorcan asks.
“Mostly family, friends of Kristian,” I say absently, still watching her intently. The darkness inside me is crawling under my skin. Every time I look at her, I want to hurt her.
Jude’s eyes narrow. “Are you taking the family business on now?”
“Someone has to,” I sneer. “Now I need to go. It was good to see you all.” I give one last look at the bitch who ruined my fucking life. “Viola, try not to kill anyone.”
I can’t bringmyself to speak to anyone else, so I stand off to the side, drinking like a damn fish, getting drunk because it’s better than being fucking sober right now. Somehow, she finds me. At first, I’m sure if she’s real or not. Most of the time she’s not. Until she speaks….
“You hate me, I get that,” she says. Ghost Viola usually just tries to kill me, which after a while you get used to.
I grip my glass and think of the shitty fucking things I’ve wanted to say to her after she chose Jude over me. I can get over the stabbing eighteen times, that was a walk in the park.
No.
It was her leaving me, again.
“Why are you fucking here, Viola?” I shake my head. I can’t even be fucked to tell her.
“We came to bring you back home.”
A bit late isn’t it? You left me to the sharks.