My brows furrow at his cryptic words, but I mentally shake it off.
He presses his lips to mine one more time and then takes a big step back. “I should go.”
I nod, unable to talk, in fear that I’ll tell him to stay when I’m not ready. With a wink and a killer smile, Nate runs back around the truck and jumps in.
I’ve just reached the door to my building when he yells out the open window, “Remember, tonight never happened.”
I shake my head and laugh as I walk away.
A week later I have my head down, staring intently at my book, when I hear the front door click shut. Once again, Summer snuck out without coming to say hi. I know it’s because of Nate. Not because she doesn’t like him or anything. I think it has more to do with not wanting to be a third wheel, or feeling like she’d be intruding on our time together.
Yes, I’ve been spending all my time with Nate. Does that mean I’ve neglected my relationship with Summer a little? Yes. Will she forgive me? Definitely, yes. But that’s no excuse. We’re both being crappy friends at the moment, and one of us needs to fix this.
The door rattles again, signaling Summer’s return. Here’s my chance. Jumping up from the couch, I run to the door to meet her as she walks back in.
“Hi!”
“Jesus, Cory.” She jumps as her hand goes to her heart. Oops.
“Sorry, I just. I haven’t seen you in a while, and I didn’t want to miss you.”
She crinkles her nose and offers me an apologetic smile. “No, I’m sorry. Now’s not the best time. I really need to get to class. I just came back to get my phone.” She walks over to the counter to collect said phone and then moves back to the door.
“Oh, of course,” I say, putting on my best all-is-fine smile. “No problem. Let’s organize something soon. I’ll message you.”
“Sounds great. Love you.” With a quick wave, she walks away.
“Love you, too,” I say to an empty hallway as I shut the door.
I don’t actually blame her for distancing herself; there are a number of valid reasons she might be doing it, but I could really use a friend.
Not that things aren’t great with Nate, because they are. But I could really use some of Summer’s badass, confident attitude, as well as her no bullshit, say-it-like-it-is view of the world. Specifically, I need her to tell me to get out of my head in certain parts of my relationship.
My phone buzzes, snapping me out of my thoughts, and I realize I’m still standing at the door. I smile when I see Nate’s name on the screen.
Nate: Training kicked my ass this morning, but the thought of seeing you tonight is getting me through.
My heart races as I read his words and almost beats out of my chest when I picture him texting me after practice, all sweaty and hot. Ugh! How long is it before it’s tonight? It’s now been three weeks since we got together, and despite not having had a first date, according to Nate, things between us couldn’t be better. Actually, that’s a lie, they could definitely be better. But that’s on me and my issues, not him.
Every time we come close to… you know, I freak out. We’ve been doing other stuff, amazing stuff, but the actual act… I can’t bring myself to take that next step. I know the exact reason why, and it’s bullshit. Unfortunately, my mind goes straight into panic mode whenever things start to move in that direction. When we get intimate. When things heat up, and… Sex. It’s sex, Cory. That’s what I’m struggling with. Geez, no wonder I’m not doing it if I can’t even say the word.
Nate’s been amazing, but I can tell he’s having a hard time holding back for me. I smile at the memory of him pressing me against his truck after our latest date fail and curse my insecurities. We’ve had a few heated moments since that day but still haven’t gone all the way. I know Nate’s a good guy and nothing like my ex-boyfriends, but I still can’t seem to take that next step. Like it’s only a matter of time. After all, my exes were great, too, until they weren’t...
Tonight, Nate’s cooking me dinner at my place, because, apparently, he’s an amazing cook, his words not mine. He wants to wow me with his skills and win me over with my tastebuds, again, his words. It’s the first time we’ll have a full night together, and I have to admit the thought of being alone has filled me with a mix of nervous and excited energy.Nate’s been over before. In fact, he’s almost a regular. But it’s usually between classes or a lazy Sunday afternoon. This feels different. In a good way.
I fill my day with housework and studying, since Friday is my only class-free day, and then sit on the couch staring at the TV until the sun sets and Nate finally arrives.
“That’s a lot of bags,” I say, looking at his full hands. “I know I can’t cook to save myself, but do you really think we wouldn’t have utensils?” I laugh as Nate places a wooden spoon on the counter.
He stares at me intently before pulling open what is typically the utensil drawer. “You’re right. Can you grab yours for me?” he says, picking up the spoon and waving it in the air.
His eyes follow my every move as I peer into the drawer. The confident smirk tells me I won’t find what he’s asking for. I can’t help but laugh at just how lacking our kitchen actually is. How the hell do we survive? “Okay, smartass. I’m guessing you took the time to check what you’d need to bring.”
“Always be prepared, Cory,” he says, tapping his temple. “Especially when you want to impress someone.”
I bite my lip as a giddy feeling takes over. “Are you still trying to do that? Impress me, I mean?”
“Yep. And I have no plans to ever stop,” he says, his focus now on unpacking the food. Like his words are no big deal. Meanwhile, my romantic heart is swooning.