The Girl Who Joined the Circus

My eyes flickered to the doll where she stood behind me, silently looking up at the poster, as if she couldn’t explain it any better than I could.

I could feel the hard scowl on my face as I asked, “What’s going on?”

Silence. I looked back at the poster again, still stunned.

“Well, a lot of help you are,” I chided, and glanced back at the doll, but she was suddenly gone.

***

I couldn’t sleep for what little remained of the night.

The doll from The Dark Room haunted my thoughts, her face swimming through my mind, face caught between glazed porcelain and genuine flesh. My mind refused to let her go, insisting I had some familiarity with her, but I couldn’t make the connection. It was like a name on the tip of my tongue, tormenting me with information I couldn’t piece together.

The doll wasn’t the only subject to occupy my thoughts. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to suppress memories of Rex standing behind the curtain and watching me with obvious lust in his eyes. I suddenly couldn’t recall if I’d had much experience with men in my past, every time I tried to draw up a memory of a beau’s face or voice, there was nothing there. It was strange, to be certain, and concerning, but I didn’t want to focus on that fact long—because there wasn’t anything I could do about it. Regardless, I didn’t think I’d had much experience with the opposite sex and I was fairly certain I’d never experienced a man inside me. Perhaps that was why I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Rex had looked at me, the hunger in his gaze?

“You ready to git goin’?” Halfreida asked as she gave me a big smile.

It was time for Cirque du Noir to seek out new pastures, something I’d learned rather abruptly. When I’d finally started to drift off to sleep, the sun had started its ascent into the sky and the curiosities were summarily roused from bed as the day’s chores were loudly announced: we would be busy breaking down the circus and packing up to move to the next town on our schedule.

All I could muster was a muffled groan, burying my head in my pillow as I whined loudly.

“Aw, it ain’t that bad, love.” Halfrieda reassured me with a pat on the back. “You’ll see—breakdown goes awful quick when everyone works together!”

“Yes, and vith all zee new hands, eet should go even quicker,” Valida mused.

That comment made me sit up and take notice.

In the few days I’d been here, I’d thought the circus was growing—at least, I kept seeing new faces every day. Initially, I’d decided everyone appeared to be ‘new’ because I was new, so it wasn’t as though I recognized everyone’s faces, but… apparently, such wasn’t the case. “So, I’m not the only newbie, Valida? Did Laurent hire other people also?”

Valida’s eyes swiveled across the room from where she and Balthazar were watching a man with multiple rows of teeth in his mouth (hence his stage-name of ‘Shark Man’) let out a huge yawn. “Some of zee new onez are hard to miss.”

I sank back into the cot, letting out a long breath. “I thought I was going crazy.”

Halfrieda dipped her head, a sad expression filling her big, brown eyes. “Oh, yer not goin’ crazy, love. If yer not sure ‘bout something, don’t hesitate ta ask. Valida an’ I’ve been here long enough ta usually know what’s goin’ on.” I gave her a quick smile and a nod as she continued. “Reckon I just forget how weird this place can git,” Halfrieda admitted. “If ya ever wanna talk ‘bout those kinds o’ things, I’m here fer ya.”

I nodded, feeling less than relieved, given the fact that Halfrieda still couldn’t remember her time in the Hall of Curiosities. “Thanks.”

“Aw, love!” Halfrieda scooped me up for a hug. “Yer just more precious than a pecan pie! I’m so glad ya decided ta join us.”

I hugged her back, grateful to have her as a friend. And at the thought of a friend, something niggled at the back of my mind—something I felt like I’d forgotten and yet… yet I didn’t know what that thing could be.

Regardless, I didn’t feel alone anymore. Appearances aside, Halfrieda and Valida were very welcoming. I doubted I could have made it through my first few days with the Cirque du Noir if they hadn’t been there to guide and advise me.

***

Cleanup wasn’t as awful as I’d imagined.

With the inclusion of the new members collected over the past few days, it only took until late afternoon to tear everything down and pack it up again. The veteran curiosities and stagehands had the routine down to a science, moving with streamlined efficiency after so much constant repetition. Soon enough, everything was packed and ready for travel, and our assignment was finally finished.

“Good job, everyone,” Laurent called out ecstatically. “Thank you again for all your hard work! Rex and I have booked most of the local train cars for travel. Please enjoy your rooms and all the fine dining the train has to offer.”

“The train? That’s how we’re traveling?” I asked.

“Well, yeah, sure,” Halfrieda said on a shrug.

We hauled everything to the station, and Laurent skipped ahead to alert the conductor of our arrival. Eyes followed us throughout the town, but I couldn’t blame them. It wasn’t every day the entire circus walked through a town, especially with people and spectacles as strange in appearance as ours. Eventually, we managed to get onto the platform, and the baggage handlers eagerly helped us load our belongings. I was curious to see how the caravans were placed on the flat cars, but a tap on my shoulder pulled my attention away.

“Ah, Bindi Bairam!” Laurent’s grin was infectious, making me smile too. He always said my name with such excitement, as if I were exactly the person he’d hoped to run into. “I trust you’re doing well?”