The Girl Who Joined the Circus

Laurent’s laughter lacked its usual gaiety, and it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m sorry about that, Bindi. I’ve had a bit of a difficult past and I try not to dwell on the man I used to be.”

I understood that, but at the same time, couldn’t help but wonder at this man he used to be. And I was surprised to know he’d had a hard past.

Without warning, Laurent suddenly stood up from the table, sending the dishes clattering when he bumped into it in his bizarre urgency. The warmth drained from his face as his gaze settled on something in the distance, behind me.

“Ah, excuse me for a moment, Bindi. I need to get some fresh air.” Before I could reply, Laurent turned and started across the meal car, making his way to the very back. Confused, I glanced around and caught a glimpse of Rex briefly ducking behind the door’s glass.

Stunned and curious as to why Laurent had suddenly acted like a child with his hand caught in the candy jar, I jumped out of my chair and followed Laurent, passing my fellow travelers in car after car, packed to the brim with our supplies and performers.

There was just something within me that spurred me on—some need I had to understand the relationship between Laurent and Rex. Even though Laurent held the title of ‘boss’, in so many ways Rex was the one who acted it.

Laurent didn’t seem to notice I was trailing him, even though I was perhaps twenty feet behind him. I followed Laurent until he finally reached the last car and, opening the door, walked outside to the back railing of the caboose. He leaned over the rail and appeared ill.

“Laurent, are you okay?” I asked as I closed the door behind me and faced him with concern.

His face was startlingly pale, as white as a ghost, when he turned to face me. “I’m sorry, Bindi. I just needed some fresh air.” He took a few deep breaths and then stood up straight, fussing with the lapels of his jacket as he turned to face me. “I’m fine now. No need to follow me, though I do appreciate your concern.” He straightened up before sitting down on a wooden crate beside the railing and letting his feet dangle over the side.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You left so suddenly and without any explanation.” I settled myself beside him. He didn’t respond. We sat quietly together, watching the darkness and didn’t speak. After a while, I asked, “Was it something I said? Were my questions too personal? I didn’t mean to pry, but it appears I did just that.”

Still no response. From him anyway. For my part, I couldn’t seem to stop talking.

“If you don’t want to talk, that’s okay. But I’d like to ask you one more question.”

He looked up at me then. “Yes?”

“Do you know me, Laurent?”

He lifted his brows as if my query surprised him, as if he wasn’t sure what to make of it, what I meant.

“The reason I ask, and this might sound crazy,” I continued as I breathed in deeply and then shook my head because what I was about to say… it did sound crazy. I looked at him. “I can’t explain it, but something makes me think we know each other or we have in the past. Perhaps that we’ve met somewhere before? I realize how far-fetched that sounds because I haven’t exactly been hanging around circuses all my life, but I really feel like I know you, which just sounds so odd.” I shook my head and then felt silly for admitting to any of it.

“Bindi,” Laurent started and then seemed to lose his nerve.

“I just… feel as if you… and me… that we’ve been through something together already.” I laughed and shook my head again, feeling idiotic for ever broaching the subject. “I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I’ve also been having so many problems with my memories lately that I apologize if we have met before and I just can’t remember it.”

I held the railing and paused a moment, gathering my hazy thoughts finally into something coherent. “If I’ve been here before—and I know you—you’d tell me, wouldn’t you?”

Laurent winced as he looked away again. “Bindi Bairam, you’re always too clever for your own good.” His hand closed over mine, and a familiar warmth spread through my veins. Even the way he held my hand felt habitual—as if he’d held it a thousand times before.

“I mean, after all, who kisses a stranger almost immediately after meeting them?” I mused, patting his hand with my free one.

Laurent laughed sheepishly. “Well, perhaps that was a bit forward of me.” He looked at me then and that same expression of desire that had been in his eyes when he’d kissed me before suddenly appeared again.

“I didn’t mind it,” I admitted.

He leaned in closer. “Good, because I want to taste you again,” he whispered and I felt myself leaning into him as I closed my eyes and titled my head up.

“Laurent!”

My eyes popped open just in time to witness the doors suddenly flying open and Rex’s hand was around my arm and yanking me to my feet before I could even catch my breath. Then he physically shoved me away from Laurent.

“Always making trouble,” he said as he glared at me.

“I don’t,” I started but Rex immediately interrupted me.

“What did I tell you?”

Laurent said nothing but simply stood up and sidestepped us, walking into the train car, as if this conversation was between the two of us and didn’t concern him.