Before I could reply, Rex slammed the door to the caboose shut, following Laurent inside the train and leaving me outside. I reached for the handle and was relieved to find it unlocked, but I stayed behind for a moment.
Yes, I wanted to give Rex a piece of my mind, but I also didn’t want to because he made me nervous. He always seemed as if he were a few seconds away from simply exploding with anger. And I definitely didn’t appreciate being the target of said anger.
So, I waited and bided my time until they disappeared through the next door before going in again, all the while running everything that had just happened through my mind. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t understand the feelings I had for both of them and the obvious feelings they both had for me.
I crossed the car slowly, giving them plenty of time to put some distance between us. When I reached the door, I realized they hadn’t moved beyond the next car and I could hear the two of them talking heatedly about something.
Me? So, I presumed.
I felt a little guilty about eavesdropping on their conversation, but their voices were so loud, I couldn’t help overhearing them.
Rex did most of the talking, and his anger was unmistakable. “You know it ends badly when we… you know better than that, Laurent…”
“I can’t help it just as you can’t help it!” Laurent replied.
“…I don’t care about your feelings… keep them to yourself…” Rex continued. “She’s off-limits.”
“I’m trying, Rex.”
“… we signed on to this job… we have a duty.”
“I can’t help but wonder if you’re just sore because it’s me this time,” Laurent argued.
I could hear Rex’s deep and sour chuckle. “You know as well as I do that it’s always me in the end, Laurent. Nothing will ever change that.”
The knot in my stomach grew bigger with every fragment I heard.
Of course, I didn’t understand what they were going on about—not most of it anyway. But the main message Rex was trying to get across was clear—Laurent was interested in me and Rex didn’t like it. Not only didn’t he like it, but he wouldn’t allow it. And that was, again, something that gave me cause for pause because it seemed like Rex was the one calling all the shots.
And I also couldn’t exactly argue with Rex—I knew it looked bad for the new girl to be fraternizing with the owner of the circus. That was the quickest way to destroy any business, never mind with the boss, no less. If the twins were bad now… I shuddered, mentally refusing to let anyone hold that kind of power over me. The last thing I needed was to be seen as a trollop by my peers, and worse still, by my new friends.
Thank goodness Rex was such a stickler for the rules. I closed my eyes, using my back to push against the door as I slid to the ground. For once, his nosy attitude was a blessing. But that didn’t have to mean I liked it. Because I didn’t. I felt something for Laurent—I definitely did.
Tears brimming in my eyes, I pulled my hair down from the messy, impromptu bun, shaking it free and letting my blond curls hang limply around my face. There seemed to be something going on between Laurent and me, something that strangely felt as if it had always been there—from the moment I’d met him, even. There was just this—closeness that seemed to exist between the two of us, even if it didn’t make any sense.
It was then that I reminded myself of the fact that I was a professional. I couldn’t let my heart get in the way of my career. I was, first and foremost, a contortionist. Now I had to figure out how to extricate myself from this sticky situation.
After a few minutes passed, I got to my feet and peeked through the window. The car where Rex and Laurent had just been was now empty. Pushing the door open, I shuffled all the way back to my room, dropping into bed with a heavy thud. I pulled the blankets over my body and tried to shut all my troubles out as I listened to the gentle hum of Halfrieda’s snoring.
I prayed for my sleep to come quickly. The last thing I needed was to lie in bed for the next twelve hours, replaying the night’s events over and over in my mind.