Dead Girls Never Talk

Journey

My stomach twistedas I crept farther down the hall with Cade at my back. He was never far behind, even when I sped up to get to the room that I knew held files of the patients here. A breath was stuck in my chest, as if I’d swallowed the key to get into this room. The door handle was locked, and my shoulders dropped.

“Move over; I’ve got it.” I knew I was being delusional and maybe a little bit naïve, but I swore Cade’s voice was laced with protection. As if Cade Walker himself would burn this place down for me if I asked him to. I relished it. I relished the way he pulled me behind him when we heard a noise. I became obsessed with the tick of possession in his voice when he told me not to move. When his arm brushed against mine, even through our hoodies, there was a jolt of something buried deep, and instead of being in here, with bad memories and thoughts that made me sick weighing me down, I was totally focused on him.

I wanted him so much that even when he was holding a knife and I’d had the jutting thought that he brought me here to hurt me, I wasn’t as scared as I should have been. As if dying by the hands of Cade Walker wouldn’t be so bad anyway.

The lock to the door clicked, Cade’s large hand turned the knob, and before I knew it, we were in the room with shelves from floor to ceiling with a ridiculous number of files. The room wasn’t completely dark because of the far window on the left, even if there were bars covering it to keep people like me inside. A desk was pushed toward the back wall with nothing on it but a name plate that read Doctor Melrose. I walked over to it slowly, and my finger traced the letters engraved in the gold nameplate. Anger started to fester like the start of a bonfire. With each curve of Doctor Melrose’s name, my stomach hurt, and my breaths came in fast. There was a shuffling of papers behind me, and I knew that Cade was probably looking for my medical records. But before I turned around to help him, I shoved the anger to my fingertips and swept my hand over the gold nameplate, and it flew across the room, falling to the floor with a loud thud.

The papers stopped shuffling, and I knew that Cade was staring at me—likely curious and maybe concerned. My back was to him as I pushed the hood off my head, letting the cool air of the room hit my hair. “You know, this was one room that I never came in when sneaking around.”

“Oh yeah?” he asked.

I turned around slowly, keeping my eye on the nameplate that I’d thrown to the floor.

“Why didn’t my little rebel sneak into the doctor’s office, huh?”

Suddenly, the anger was replaced with something else. My lips twitched as I found him leaning against the shelf, holding a dark-colored folder in his hand. I began to walk toward him as he held it tighter in his grip. “I knew that Doctor Melrose wasn’t easily swayed. He didn’t fall for my tricks. I couldn’t risk getting caught.”

“Your tricks?” The shadows along Cade’s face deepened. “What kind of tricks?”

Impending doom swept in the room like a snowstorm, freezing everything in sight. I kept my mouth closed, my secrets tucked behind my closed lips. I reached out with a shaking hand, grabbed the file from Cade, and flicked my eyes to his when I heard the grinding of his teeth like he was some type of machine. “It’s missing.”

“Missing?” I opened the folder, and my heart sank to the floor. This place was nothing but desperation and disappointment plastered to every crack, crevice, and pore. “Where is it?”

I threw the empty folder down, and it landed like a little teepee over the nameplate. I refrained from kicking them both as my anger started to subdue my earlier calmness with Cade by my side.

“Someone could have taken it before this place was shut down,” Cade said as he leaned back on the shelf, crossing his arms over his chest. His hood was still pulled up over his head, and even with my heart clashing with anger and disappointment, one look from him put a pause on it all.

I looked at the door, feeling slightly tormented that I was back in this place, even if I wasn’t locked inside. “Someone like the person who tried to kill me.”

Silence followed me as I walked past Cade, frustrated with the office I was in, knowing that there probably wasn’t anything here that was helpful now that I knew my file was empty. Why did someone want me dead? And as an infant, at that. Did anyone ever come to the orphanage, looking for me? Was it Sister Mary’s job to hide me? I need to talk to her.

As the thoughts began gathering, I somehow found myself walking down the hall and ending up in front of my room. The door was all white and blended in with the wall. Except, at the moment, in the dark, it looked gray. My fingers reached out with something thick sliding through my veins like an illness that never truly existed, chaining me inside that room where I had to do things that made me cringe. The second I opened the door, knowing the automatic locks never really worked as well as the psych hospital had hoped, the scent of me hit my face.

I felt Cade behind me, giving me space but not too far that I couldn’t feel his warmth. The door shut behind us. I was one of the lucky ones who had a window in their room, although it was fully sealed with bars on the outside of it. There was a gleam of moonlight that fell onto the floor and over my bed that was smack dab in the middle of the room next to a chair that I had sat in more nights than not.

“Is there something in here?” Cade asked, still keeping a short distance away from me.

A soft, sarcastic laugh fell from my lips. “Just my pride and dignity.”

“What does that mean?”

My fingers slowly swept over the worn, baby-blue blanket that I cried into for a month straight, walking farther and farther over to the window to stare out into the darkened forest. The trees were snow-covered, and icicles hung from their limbs like fingers. “I did things here that I’m not proud of.” My head dropped as my stomach tensed. “Things that make me sick.”

He took a step closer, his shoe smacking against the floor that I’d been thrown onto by Barry. “But were they necessary?”

I peeked over my shoulder at him, the moon casting a light right over his mouth. His lips were full, and even though there were things that happened in this room that made me want to destroy every last inch of it, all I could truly focus on was how badly I wanted his hands on me, making me forget it all.

But I couldn’t forget it. I shouldn’t forget it. Because even though there was an ounce of disrespect for myself for the actions I had to endure, there was ten times the amount of pride. I’d been wanting someone to save me all my life, but really, it just came down to me.

“I know the feeling, you know.” Cade’s shoulder brushed mine as he stood beside me, causing my senses to trip over themselves. “I’ve done things that I am not proud of. Trust me.”

“Like what?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched his head drop slightly, as if he didn’t want to tell me. Honesty was hard for a guy like him—someone who was guarded and appeared so strong and authoritative on the outside. “I chased Gemma through the forest with Brantley under the assumption that he and I were going to rape her to prove a point to Isaiah’s father.”

I kept my mouth closed, but I almost let my jaw drop.