Journey
If I were alone,I would have been looking over my shoulder every three seconds with my heart tearing through my body. Chills would have covered me from the second I stepped foot in the dark entryway, and I would have prepared myself for Sister Mary to reprimand me for sneaking out of the boarding school to pay her a visit.
But with Cade’s hand in mine and his imperious attitude and somehow attractive arrogance, I felt like I could tackle anything. In fact, I felt like the girl I was when I seduced a male nurse at the psych hospital, stole a key card, grabbed onto Tobias’ hand, and broke through a window to walk to St. Mary’s. Unstoppableand determined.
I narrowed my gaze slightly as the door to Sister Mary’s office was cracked. I ignored the inkling festering in my belly. Her door was neveropen. Whether she was inside of it or not, it was shut and usually locked. She didn’t keep much in her office, and that remained the same as I stepped inside and saw that it was just as bare as it was the last time I had been in here. One tiny, shitty desk sat in the middle of the room with paintings from the little girls, covered in pretty reds, pinks, and yellows, hanging off the tied string on the front of it. And an old, leather, sage-green chair was propped behind it. File cabinets were placed to the left of the desk, and there was one worn rug underneath two chairs on the opposite side.
“Well, she’s not in here,” Cade whispered, looking around the office. “Maybe she’s asleep?”
I shook my head. “She stays up until one or two most nights, working here or taking care of the babies on the second floor.”
Cade’s hand fell from mine as I pulled my fingernail up to my mouth and started to nibble on it. His easy strides took him over to the metal file cabinets, but my voice stopped him. “Don’t bother. There is nothing useful in there.”
He turned back to me, and all I saw was the sharp edge of his jaw. He was outlined by the window behind him, and my mouth grew dry.
“How do you know?”
“Because I was the one to organize them. There is nothing in those file cabinets that will lead anyone to me.” I let out a light, sarcastic laugh. “Which kind of makes sense now.”
I turned around swiftly, annoyed by the fact that I was so naive before. Why didn’t I have a file? Why didn’t anyone know anything about me? Why did every single potential adoptive parent pass me over?
There was a burning question on the tip of my tongue, making me taste something sour, that only grew stronger as I walked down the long, narrow hallway with worn floors and crumbling walls. Did Sister Mary make sure no one adopted me on purpose? I shook my head, ignoring the tightening in my chest, and scanned the hall. This place was in desperate need of repairs, but it was still home to me, as shitty and as heart-wrenching as it was.
I stopped in front of the last door on the left and stood on my tiptoes, peeking inside the scratched-up glass covered in a sheen of dust. Cade, being taller than me, leaned forward, his front gracing my back. His arm curved around my middle, and I immediately grew warm. “Lots of cribs and a few beds,” he whispered from behind. I nodded, lowering back to level feet. I peered up at him and saw his dark eyes looking down at me. “This is the early childhood wing. Ages two to eight.”
Cade nodded, staying quiet, as we both started for the stairs. I went up first and whispered over my shoulder, “Walk on the same steps I do. Some of them are squeaky.”
He nodded, following so closely behind I could feel his body heat mix with mine. When we reached the second floor, I peered down the hall, making sure none of the nuns who did the infant night shifts were wandering about with their quiet, brooding footsteps. There was one piercing infant cry that made me jerk. Cade walked over to the door that was an exact replica of the one downstairs and nudged his head over to it. I slid in front of him quickly, and his arm came around my middle again. I peered inside, focusing on the one nun I saw holding a crying baby. I weaved my attention through the cribs, looking for one in particular. “Sweet baby must have gotten adopted,” I whispered, hating that I felt sad.
“Who?” Cade asked, pushing my hair behind my shoulder. My hood had fallen back at some point, and although I wasn’t too nervous to be walking the halls in the dark, the other nuns weren’t as forgiving as Sister Mary.
“Her name was Callie. I had taken care of her for a few nights before coming back to St. Mary’s.” Warmth slid to my cheeks. “Sister Mary put me on baby duty because, for some reason, Callie only calmed when I held her. Like she felt safe with me or something.” I shook my head, feeling stupid. “It’s silly. She was probably just afraid of those damn cornettes.”
“What the fuck is a cornette?”
I suppressed a laugh. “The hats the nuns wear. I told Sister Mary to lose it, but she scolded me—or what she considered scolding.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “Let’s go see if she’s upstairs.” To my floor.
As soon as we made it to the top, Cade’s hand landed on my arm. My stomach tensed, and I immediately began searching the hall for something suspicious. The knife he’d given me was burning a hole in my hoodie pocket, and I almost reached for it before his hoarse voice broke through the silence. “It’s not silly.”
I paused. “What isn’t?”
“Callie feeling safe with you. Who wouldn’t fall in love with you after just one glimpse?”
My throat began to swell as his finger brushed my cheekbone, causing little chills to roll down my arms. “You have a warm soul, Journey. Icouldn't even stay away.”
My eyes fell to his lips, and I knew we were on borrowed time, creeping through the halls of a quiet and sleepy orphanage without having permission to do so. The orphanage was locked, yes, but even having a key, I wasn’t supposed to be here. It didn’t matter if I was legally an adult. Sister Mary didn’t allow people to roam the halls at night. And she, along with the other nuns who had watched me grow up, would likely have a heart attack if they caught me with a boy like Cade.
“Come on,” Cade finally said, dropping his hand. “Is this the last floor?”
My voice cracked at first. “Um, yeah. Sister Mary sleeps on the first floor, but her door was open when we walked past, so she’s not in there. If she isn’t up here, then I don’t know where she is.” I grabbed my knife with the thought. Where could she be? Sister Mary never left the orphanage—and especially not at night.
The door to the final sleeping quarters, the one that I’d been placed in since I turned of age, was open. That wasn’t surprising at all. I was the onlyolder orphan that Sister Mary ever housed, which meant that I had the entire top floor to myself.
Most girls would probably love that. I didn’t. It only reminded me that I was alone and not worthy of what the younger girls had—potential for adoption.
“Doesn’t look like anyone is in here.”