Me:
I literally have seventy thousand followers.
It took her a while to text back.
Colby:
I can’t find you…
Me:
It’s too easy with you. Do I look like I dance in front of my own camera, then wait and see how many people think I’m legit?
Colby:
Never say legit again.
I checked the time on my phone and sighed. I didn’t want to stop talking to her. I could text her all day. But instead I had another meeting in a few with a new client.
Me:
I don’t want to go, but I have another meeting.
I typed “I love you” so many times that it was embarrassing, only to delete it because wasn’t it too soon?
But I did.
I loved her.
And now I knew I always had. I had just been afraid to love someone I couldn’t control. Someone who didn’t fit in the perfect plan I had for my life, not even realizing that the perfect plan wasn’t what I needed.
No, what I needed was someone who would push me, make me laugh, someone who wouldn’t allow me to be a jackass just because my pencils weren’t straight or things weren’t going my way.
God, I’d lived such a carefully constructed life, and what had that gotten me? Misery. Math equations. And Banks, no offense to Banks.
Colby hadn’t destroyed me.
She’d freed me.
I wanted to say it.
Say the three words. But over text? Was that lame? Why was I always overthinking things with the one person who probably wouldn’t care if I said it via email?
I saw a few dots pop up and then get deleted on her end, only to have her finally just send a heart emoji, which nearly made mine stop.
I put my phone down and wiped my hands down my face. I had too many feelings and wanted to express them, but I wasn’t free like her, I wasn’t like her at all, so instead I just fixated on them.
What would Monica have said?
I laughed when I realized she’d probably smack me as per usual, then call me an idiot and walk off.
“Pretty accurate,” I said to myself as I popped on my laptop really quickly and ordered Colby roses.
I might do things differently, but flowers always said I’m thinking of you, and she deserved to know that she occupied my thoughts, not just a few, but all of them, and I never wanted that to change again.