It’s understandable that I’d feel completely disorientated given what’s happened to me in getting here but it’s weird. Maybe my mind is trying to tell me something.
“Do you want to talk about it? Sometimes it’s good to talk about things that might be bothering you like that. It helps release them from your mind.” As she speaks I feel like maybe it wasn’t her who saw Tristan and me. She’s not acting like it was her.
“When you fainted you had nightmares too. You were saying similar things,” she points out. “I used to have really bad nightmares.”
It’s not the first time I’ve gotten the impression that Candace went through tough life experiences like me. That same day when I fainted she said her parents did the devil’s bidding. Mine was the devil himself.
I’ve never really spoken about my dream and I’m not sure I should. She’s right about releasing things from your mind but I don’t know if I can, or if I should. When I told Tristan that my father killed my mother it was different.
“It was a nightmare about my mother’s death. I saw it,” I explain.
“Is it always the same?”
“No, lately they’ve been stranger.” I don’t bother to tell her that being kidnapped could do that to a person because I know she already feels bad enough about her hand in that.
“Are you worried about your father?”
“No, I stopped worrying about him when I was little. I’ve mostly been afraid of him.”
She brings her hands together and the concern deepens. “I understand. I guess not having the guys around might make you antsy too.”
“A little.”
“We’re safe here. You don’t have to worry about anything happening,” she says. “I thought maybe we could hang out today. Maybe have breakfast picnic style and we could explore the island until lunch time.”
I don’t feel much like doing anything but that’s just because my emotions are all over the place. I’m neither here nor there in my mind and I don’t like the fact that someone saw me and Tristan the other night.
It is however going to be better for me to hang out with Candace than to stay in here all day left to my thoughts. That’s what I was like yesterday. Just overthinking and worrying.
“Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll get ready.”
“Cool, I’ll pack the basket and we can head out,” she beams and I nod.
When she leaves I head to the shower and change into a t-shirt and a pair of shorts.
It’s so weird not having my own clothes around. Things I’m used to, that I bought myself. Although, I definitely have to give the maid credit for all the clothes she got, and for getting my size right. She even got my bra size right and I usually have to get fitted for that.
It’s just been strange to have someone buy clothes for me that I didn’t pick out myself. It’s as strange as my situation of being captive.
A role that’s starting to fade from me. I’m not feeling like I am anymore. The feeling started to go from that day when Tristan told me he believed me. With that came that glimmer of hope that I might make it out alive. I most certainly haven’t felt like a captive since I gave the information about Nickoli and not since I’ve been sleeping with Tristan.
All of which betrays my father, all of it. Even telling them that I didn’t know where he was is part of the betrayal because I could have made something up that would have tricked Tristan and got a message to my father.
But… I feel nothing.
If things go as planned it will be over soon. All of this will be over, even if I’ll still be who I am.
Isabella Viggo.
At least when it’s over I might be able to disassociate myself from the blood that flows through my veins.
I put my hair up in a messy bun and venture downstairs.
Candace is ready with a basket and it smells like she has freshly made bread inside.
We walk out to the garden that overlooks the beach and has the perfect view.
It’s a bright sunny day, and the sky is so clear I have a hard time believing it rained so heavily the other day.