“Where is my son?” I demand again.
He stares back at me with squinty eyes, and takes shallow breaths.
There’s a noise outside the window. A quick glance and I see the slightest movement.
Fuck. Someone’s out there and they were listening.
Pearson glances up and I realize he knew they were there too. The horrified look on his face tells me he’s more afraid of them than he is of me.
“Someone’s outside,” I say to Massimo who’s already calling in the men out there on watch to check it out.
He goes out to join them but Dominic stays with me.
As soon as Massimo goes through the door. Pearson slips something inside his mouth. It was a tablet. Fucking poison.
That is what Order members do, kill themselves when they get caught.
I growl and rush him, grabbing his neck. I try to get him to spit it out but I’m too late. He gulps it down like it’s a drink of water he was thirsty for.
Damn it.
I know it’s over when he starts shaking, but he surprises me when he crooks his finger for me to come closer. I lean in and he stares at me with his eyes fluttering.
“Do you know why we kill ourselves?” He sputters in a whisper then lowers his voice even more. “It’s because they will kill the people we love the most if they know we betrayed them. I have a daughter who knew I was a lousy father. They’ll kill her if I tell you anything. They’re always listening. The person outside was listening, and they have a device in here where they can hear me. ”
Desperation overpowers me and I grab on to his shirt. “If you have a daughter you love then you understand why I need to find my son.”
He nods and hope sparks my heart that he might help me.
“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come;
thy will be done; on earth as it is in heaven,” he starts reciting the Lord’s prayer and my heart sinks.
“Pearson tell me,” I urge.
“Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation; but deliver us from evil, in Christ the redeemer. In Christ the redeemer.”
He places emphasis on those last words. They’re not part of the prayer, though. My mother used to say that prayer to me every night before I went to bed. So I know it.
When he gives me a long, hard look like he’s trying to tell me something, panic and dark dread suddenly assail me and I wonder if he means to tell me something else.
Something I never factored in.
People say that prayer for many things. One is in death.
“Is my son dead?” I brave the question.
Pearson shakes his head. “No, still alive, still there, and he still looks like you. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.”
With that his eyes roll back in his head and the light leaves his eyes.
He’s dead.
I look at Dominic who’s been staring at us the whole time.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I don’t bother to tell him not to have pity on me. I deserve this, and now my plan with Olivia and Jude is my only hope, but that’s failing too because I haven’t found anything that can help me get Aleksei back.
The only thing that’s worse than being weak in my world is desperation.
Right now I’m both.