“Me too. It’s good to see you.”
“It’s even better to see you. I can’t believe it’s been so long.”
“Yeah. It’s been awhile.” I bring my hands together to stop them from shaking.
“Can I get you something to drink or eat?”
“No, I’m fine. It should be me getting you food and drink.”
“No. Moving around keeps me active. I have a support nurse who comes by for a few hours a day to help me. I also have a maid who takes care of the house.”
“That’s good. How are you feeling?”
“Not as bad as yesterday. Things seems to have plateaued so I’m no worse. That’s a good thing. How are you feeling?”
I shake my head. “I’m not great Dad and I don’t know when I’ll ever be again. I’m sure you can say the same thing.”
“Yes. I never expected my daughter to die before me. It’s going to be hard to bury her.” He blows out a breath and bites down on his lip.
“I’m sorry Dad.”
“I know. Me too. After everything is taken care off do you plan to stay in L.A.?”
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. But I’d like to see you and take care of you.” I thought of those things. I’d do it if he wants me around. I’d swallow my hurt and pain and be there for him so he doesn’t die hating me too.
“That would be nice. Maybe we could pack up Scarlett’s things together as well. Eric said you’ve been by her house.”
“Yes. We did the bedroom. There’s maybe another day’s work there and then it’s moving the stuff out.”
“I’m glad you’re doing her things.”
“It’s just hard packing them away for good.”
There’s a tick in his jaw that makes me wary. At the best of times, Dad is generally a calm man. Cool and calculated even. But you see that tick, it’s his tell. It’s here now as a heads up that there’s a storm raging inside him.
“Why didn’t you come to me when you were in trouble, Summer?” he asks switching the direction of the conversation and taking it exactly in the direction I feared. “I know you still hold the past against me, but your situation in Monaco was enough for you to push aside our disagreements and come to me.”
I stare back at him, not sure how to answer. My breath hitches and all my muscles freeze. When I cast my mind back to the past I don’t know how he could talk about it like it was some kind of argument we had, or like I was an idiot with “daddy issues.” It was nothing like that.
“Dad… you think the past was a mere disagreement?”
Disapproval gleams in his eyes. “Summer you know what I mean.”
“I’m afraid I don’t. I’m not really clear on what you mean. Yes I get the part about coming to you and I wish I could have but you must have known why I didn’t,” I choke out.
“I hoped you would. The men you were dealing with were dangerous enough for you to come to me.”
“I know, but you were the last person I would have gone to. Don’t you remember how you threw me out of Mom’s funeral?” I can barely say the words. “Don’t you remember how you screamed at me at the top of your lungs and told me how ashamed you were of me. You said I was a disgrace to you and the family. You did that in front of everyone at the funeral. A hundred people were there and that’s how you behaved. That’s how you spoke to me. You told me I wasn’t your daughter anymore and you wanted nothing to do with me. You said you never wanted to see me again.”
I remember word for word verbatim.
He goes quiet but he doesn’t take his eyes off me.
“You threw Mom’s suicide note in my face and told me it was my fault she was dead.” He did that because Mom wrote in her letter that she couldn’t live on this earth knowing her daughter seduced her husband and her daughter was having her husband’s child. “You knew Mom was seeing a psychiatrist for depression and her drug and drinking problems, yet you still blamed me.”
In my heart I knew Mom knew what Ted was doing to me and she believed the truth that I got pregnant with his baby. But it was all spun around to make me look like a whore. I didn’t know how she could do that when there were so many signs her husband was abusing me.
There were so many instances where she’d find blood on my sheets or bruises on my body and she’d turn a blind eye. My doctor even said to her that I was acting like I was being abused. I was fourteen at the time and she laughed it off. In the end, instead of suspecting Ted, she was jealous that he wanted me.