“It’s not your fault,” I tell her.
“Yes it is Eric. My father said I’m reckless. I know I am. He’s right. I’ve always been reckless, that’s why I attract the wrong kind of attention.”
“Summer, your sister’s death isn’t your fault,” I say again but I could be talking to a wall. She’s not listening to me.
When she turns back to face me I see why. All that energy for life is gone. The eyes of the woman who look at me are as dead as mine are when I look at myself.
I recognize the look because it’s in my eyes. Because I blame myself for my mistakes. Deep down I think I deserve to die and that’s why I can’t see past death.
She looks the same now too, like she’s given up the will to live.
“You know, I don’t think I could have watched the recording of her death. It would kill me to see her die. I think I only wanted to see it because I wish it was me who died. Eric, I wish it was. I really do.”
“You shouldn’t wish that.”
“I do, I truly do.”
She brings her hands up to her cheeks and I pull her close to my heart to hold her.
I want to tell her again it’s not her fault, but I already know she won’t listen to me.