Paul
I don’t know what I expected.
Her to roll out the welcome mat?
Nope. Not at all. I’ve been back to civilian life now for over a month, and the woman has avoided me like the plague.
It’s what I deserve. Even I can admit that.
Every time I’ve seen her since we broke up, I see that same hurt in her eyes.
I’ll be the first to admit I can be an asshole, a prick at best, but sometimes when life throws shit at you, it can fuck you over mentally.
I know I screwed up when it came to her, and I know I ended the best thing that ever happened to me.
It just felt like I was doing the right thing at the time. Not for me, for her.
Everything I said was a lie.
The fear of being like my father and fucking things up got the better of me, and I thought she’d be better off without me.
Jia and I lived in the fantasy for six years. Three years when our parents were together, and three years after. The latter held an air of freedom to it because we weren’t stepsiblings anymore.
Then she wanted more, and I couldn’t give it to her.
That day I ended things is one I won’t forget. I was a pussy and hid behind the lame-as-fuck excuse of wanting to focus on my career. Then, when she asked me if I loved her, not being able to answer was the same as saying no.
She wouldn’t have known that loving her was the very thing that freaked me out.
Six years ago, I was an ambitious marine who had active duty to distract me. Bouncing between Iraq and Afghanistan provided what I needed to try to forget her.
Now that I’m home for good, things are a little different.
The joke’s on me because ending things with her didn’t help me, and I’m fucking stuck on the same shit because I still want her.
This morning’s meeting was not my idea of starting out on the right foot.
I went through the day with the goal to speak to her again, but after I speak to Ethan. There are a few things I want to ask him.
We were both busy all day. This is the first chance I’ve gotten, and it’s now seven p.m. Well past the hour to go home.
I’ve never known Ethan to be anything other than the workaholic he is, and I’ve come to be the same way.
Although I had a father once, this guy has been the father figure in my life.
It was what he did for me and Mom before they got married that made me forgive him for cheating on her, which was the reason they got divorced.
It happened during the time when his business was in trouble. Business went south, and Ethan lost his way. By the time he found his way back, their marriage was over.
Mom remarried two years ago and moved to France with her new husband.
I remained in touch with Ethan, though, because of that day I’ll always remember. The day when he saved me and Mom from my father’s abuse. That day I swear to God Dad would have killed Mom if Ethan hadn’t come along, and just at the right time. Dad hit her so hard I thought she died, and I couldn’t do anything to save her.
That was a couple of years before Ethan and Mom got together.
I was fifteen, and I just knew him as Mom’s boss. I never knew what life would throw me next when he became my stepfather. Never knew what sort of storm would knock me off my ass when I eventually met his beautiful daughter.
His sorrow for ruining what they had has been very evident in the years that followed. Especially when it came to me. That’s why I need to be clear that this gift of his isn’t another example of that, of him trying to make things up to me at his daughter’s expense.