Choices, choices, but I only see one. I only truly heard one thing.
“Thank you for laying out the situation,” I answer.
“James, please think about your answer before you choose. I must make you aware too that if it was just a kiss, it wouldn’t be favorable if you continued to see her after graduation. I can’t see the board looking on that in any sort of favorable light, especially if she continues on to grad school here.”
“So, the real question is … what does Miss St. Claire mean to me?” I highlight, and she nods slowly.
“I guess it comes down to that.”
I think of Paige and the game we’ve played for the last six weeks. I was me, and she was herself. We weren’t these people who were off limits to each other. We lived out our fantasies at The Dark Odyssey, and she was mine.
She told me she loved me. When I think of my girl, I’m still dancing with her. I’m still that guy who wants to live out his fantasies with the woman of his dreams.
She is it for me.
That’s the answer.
“Marsha, I’m sorry I disappointed you. I thank you for believing in me and for helping me to get to this point. I apologize for the secrets and for breaking the rules. I can see that you’d like me to head the department, but I can’t.”
She looks genuinely surprised. “James, think about this.”
“I have, and I’m not going to lie. The question is what Miss St Claire means to me, and my answer is I can’t be here if I want to be with her. Thanks for the chance though.” The confliction in my soul eases. The indecisiveness is gone with those words. I guess I’ll be accepting Pa’s offer after all. Travelling around doesn’t seem that bad now when I think of it. It’s new. I can do new.
She releases a sigh. “I’m going to be sad to see you go. But I understand and appreciate your honesty.”
“Thanks. Paige won’t get in any trouble over this, will she? She’s very bright and talented. She’s serious about what she wants out of the course and out of life.”
“She won’t. I will speak to her, but that’s it.”
I stand. It’s time to go. “Thank you.” I put out my hand to shake hers, and she shakes it firmly.
“Good luck, James.”
“Thanks, you too.”
I leave her, and as I walk past Kevin, I give him the first real smile I’ve ever dished his way.
“What are you smiling at?” he asks, and I stop and turn on my heel to face him.
“You, motherfucker,” I say, and his mouth drops. That’s the real me talking, and I’m glad I got the pleasure of showing him this side of me. “You know, I’ve always wanted to tell you to go fuck yourself. Now I truly can and I hope you do. You better pray we never meet again.” I chuckle and leave his ass staring after me.
Freedom fills me as I walk out of the building.
My heart takes me across the campus instead of to my office to clear out my stuff. I’ll come back for those another day.
There’s only one thing I want right now. One person, one woman.
My girl.
I wait for her by the large oak tree. She should be coming out of class in fifteen minutes.
As I wait, I cast my gaze over all the students. I’ll miss it here, there’s no mistake about it, but I’m looking forward to the next phase of my life.
The door to the law building opens, and the students file out.
Paige and I see each other at the same time.
We’re about twenty feet apart, but I can see her face brighten up from here.