“W-what about my wife?” he asked, a touch of panic in his voice as he began to lift himself out of the chair.
The nurse stopped him by placing one hand on his shoulder. “Your wife lost a lot of blood. She’s getting a blood transfusion now, but the doctors say she should pull through.”
Stephen collapsed into his chair, breathing erratically. He panted as he leaned back and looked up at the buzzing ceiling lights.
“Mr. Clark …?” the nurse called. “Would you like to see your daughter?”
Stephen’s attention darted back to the nurse. Had Ana seen their daughter? Should he see her before his wife had the opportunity? As he pondered his choices, static crept back into his ears but, before it could overwhelm his hearing again, he said, “Yes ma’am.”
The nurse helped Stephen to his feet and guided him through the hospital corridors. She introduced herself and gave Stephen a list of rules and best practices when handling a newborn. Stephen hardly paid attention to a single word coming out of her mouth. He was rethinking his decision, wondering whether he should have waited to meet the baby with Ana.
He nodded reflexively each time. He no longer heard the nurse’s voice, giving the illusion that he was listening to her. All the while he worried he would upset his wife or, worse, he wouldn’t feel anything for his child when he met her. Any number of outcomes and variations on events streamed through Stephen’s mind as they walked through the halls. Finally, they entered a room.
“Okay, Mr. Clark, just wait here, and I’ll be right back with your daughter.” The nurse smiled and hurried out.
Stephen looked around in a calculating manner, analyzing everything as he sat beside an empty bed next to a window overlooking the hospital parking lot. It all felt familiar to him, but he couldn’t quite figure out why.
As he looked around the room like a patient who’d just awoken from a coma, the door opened. He heard hushed voices and the faint squeal of plastic wheels. He stood up.
“Mr. Clark, say hello to your daughter,” said the nurse who’d accompanied Stephen.
Her colleague pushed a bassinet that held the baby over to Stephen.
She was perfect. All the fear he’d built up in himself about not loving her and other trivial worries faded away. He felt ashamed to have ever thought such a horrid thing—he fell in love with her the instant he saw her. This love was different, though, than any other he’d felt before; he didn’t feel nervous in the slightest. Even though he could only see a little, red face creased with wrinkles, he felt an overwhelming peace wash over him, a peace not even Ana was able to provide.
“Would you like to hold her?” the nursed asked.
He raised his head slowly, reluctant to take his eyes off his new daughter. He looked at the nurse, puzzled by her question. He hadn’t even thought of holding her; just looking at her was more than enough.
The nurses let out a small laugh to themselves.
“Why don’t you take a seat over here,” one of them said, “and I’ll bring her over to you.” She guided Stephen from the foot of the bed back to the chair.
Stephen shook his head. Although he agreed with the nurse’s decision, he was hesitant about moving away from his daughter and looked back at her even as he propped himself up on the edge of his seat. He didn’t want to lose sight of her even for a second.
The nurse picked up the baby and brought her over to Stephen, ever so gently placing her in his arms and making sure that he was supporting her correctly.
“We’ll give you a little privacy now, okay?” said one of the nurses. She showed Stephen how to call if he needed anything.
He nodded as he did in the hallway but didn’t take his gaze off his daughter as the two nurses silently exited the room.
Stephen and his daughter were alone. After all the anticipation, all the building up to this moment, it had finally arrived, and although his love for his daughter was overwhelming, something was off. Ana wasn’t with him. He never thought he’d experience this moment by himself. Yes, he had his daughter with him, of course, but he did not have his partner, his wife, the only person he wanted to share this moment with.
Strangely enough, he didn’t mind too much. He stared and marveled at the little girl he held in his arms. With every little coo, yawn, or stretch, more endorphins shot through his body and overflowed his heart. Unlike a little while ago, when time seemed to have dragged on interminably, this moment flew by.
“Mr. Clark?”
Stephen looked up abruptly. The nurse had returned.
“Your wife took the blood transfusion very well, and they’re moving her to another room right now. If you like, I can bring the two of you over there, but she may still be asleep.”
He glanced back down at his daughter and smiled. “Yeah, I think it’s about time they met.”
He got up from the chair and walked over to the nurse, who took the baby from Stephen and placed her back in the bassinet. The nurse, pushing the bassinet, led Stephen to the room Ana was in. When they arrived, the room was dark, and the curtains were drawn. The nurse entered first while Stephen held the door for her.
“Would you like to hold her again?” she asked Stephen.
“No-no, it’s okay. Let her sleep beside her mama for a lil’ bit. I’ll have plenty of time to hold her. Besides, my wife would get jealous if she saw me holding the baby before her,” he replied with a nervous laugh.