The mirror was fogged, almost as if my own reflection didn’t want to look at me, and I liked the game of cat and mouse I would have to play with myself sometimes.
“Holls?” I called out through the closed door.
I startled when it opened instantly and chuckled nervously when she walked in. Still covered in blood, still wearing her lingerie, still looking as beautifully feral as ever.
“You wanna get cleaned up?” I asked, nodding at the open curtain.
She shrugged as she came over to stand next to me. As I used the palm of my hand to wipe away a spot of fog on the mirror, she moved the few steps to stand behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist.
“You okay?” I questioned, opening the medicine cabinet and reaching for a small box of Q-tips.
She turned her face so that her forehead rested against the middle of my back as I started to clean my ears.
“Babe?”
“Why would you do that?”
Her voice was muffled, small, full of confusion, but longing for an answer.
“Do what?” I asked, trying my best not to tackle it head on. I knew exactly what she was talking about, but I had to tread cautiously around that particular subject.
“That, Bates,” she barked as she pulled away from me.
I did my best not to react in a way any less than she would want as I dropped the Q-tip into the small trash basket under the sink, then turned to face her. I leaned my body back, crossed my arms loosely over my chest and looked into her eyes.
I had to know which Hollis I was dealing with before I answered her. It would be nothing short of the truth, but her eyes would tell me the tone that I would need to speak in.
“Because I fucking love you,” I finally said in a tempered tone. It took me seeing her eyes welling with tears to realize that I shouldn’t have to tiptoe around her anymore. Especially not when it came to how I felt about her. “And if that’s too much for you, then I honestly don’t know what else to say or do. You have to learn to let me in, Hollis. Completely. Unequivocally. You have to let me love you the way I know best. That’s the only way this is going to work.”
“It was working just fine before you—”
“No it wasn’t,” I cut her off with a wave of my hand. “And we both know it. I don’t know what I’ll have to do to prove to you that I’ll never fuck up again, but you can’t keep holding that over my head. Even though you don’t talk about it anymore, I know how you feel, babe. We share the same fucking heart. What I did tonight, I did out of love. Maybe I suck at it, I don’t know, I’ve never done it before, but I was hoping it might finally make you understand how goddamn special you are. And it has nothing to do with how you were born, babe. It has to do with how I fucking see you.”
She got to her feet, balled her fists at her sides as the tears finally spilled over. Nothing I ever said or did was going to matter to her, but I knew I’d be damned if I stopped trying.
“You can fight this all you want, Hollis. But I’m going to do everything I can to make it work. Regardless of what that may be, but you were made for me, pretty girl. Nothing I ever do is to hurt you; I just need you to fucking realize how much you mean to me and that I want to be with you for the rest of my goddamn life.”
I took a deep breath and looked away for a moment. I hadn’t meant to scream at her like I did, and while I knew she wasn’t going to respond well to me raising my voice, I also knew that she’d maybe start understanding.
Just a little bit.
“I’ll finish getting dressed in my room,” I said quietly as I snatched my clothes off the hamper, then walked out of the bathroom.
Leaving her angry, alone, and feral.
Almost the exact same way that I found her.