Finding Mr Perfectly Fine

‘Not really.’ I can’t bring myself to tell another person what happened, who he is, why I am the way I am. I hope Adam realises this and stops asking questions.

‘But he did something bad to you?’ he probes. His voice is gentle but there’s a steely undertone to it and I can sense that he’s itching to get up and confront Tariq.

‘Yeah.’

‘Did he hurt you?’ His voice is fiercer now, so I realise I’m going to have to tell him something otherwise he won’t stop. I take a deep breath and decide to give him the condensed version. One without details, one that won’t derail me right here in this restaurant with that demon mere inches away from me. I take a deep breath.

‘We were engaged and he took that as a sign to force himself on me. He was interrupted. And then he disappeared and got engaged to someone else a few weeks later without having the decency to tell me it was over.’

‘F***!’

‘Yeah.’

‘How long ago was this?’

‘Five years ago. But it messed me up for a long time, Adam. I can’t believe he’s here and he’s living his best life after he effed up mine.’ I look down at my plate as tears well up in my eyes again. I hate the way he still has this effect on me.

‘Watch what I do to him,’ Adam growls, moving to get up, and I stop him hurriedly.

‘No, don’t, I don’t want to look at him.’ I take a few more deep breaths and manage to offer him a shaky smile. ‘See? I’m fine.’

‘You have really shit luck when it comes to men, don’t you?’

‘The worst.’

‘Come on, let’s eat our dessert before it fossilises.’

‘You know about fossils?’

‘What the hell, Zara? I did go to school, you know. I’m not some thug off the streets!’

‘Yeah, I know, sorry.’

We start to laugh and I thaw slightly, in Adam’s warm, strong, presence. I can’t relax though, not with Tariq right behind me, watching me.

‘You know, if you face your fears now, you’ll probably feel a lot better in the future,’ Adam says after a while. ‘Maybe it will give you some closure? Some control?’

‘Maybe,’ I concede. ‘But I couldn’t look at him without turning into a hot mess, how am I supposed to talk to him?’

‘I’m right here with you. He tries anything, I’ll knock him out till next week.’

I know he’s right. But I also know that I don’t have it in me to speak to him. I can’t. Not after everything he did to me. If I close my eyes and focus, I can feel him pawing me all over again. No. I can’t. I want to get the hell out of here. Screw Tariq for ruining this night for me, the way he ruined the last five years. I was having the best time, and now, when I look back to this evening, I won’t remember the delicious food, the stunning view, my handsome date, the sexy car, or how special I felt. I’ll remember that bastard showing up and reminding me that I’m a total failure.

The bill comes and it’s a lot more expensive than I expected. I attempt to pay my half but Adam gets really offended when I try, so I let it go. He gets up and offers his hand to help me up. I take it, knowing that Tariq is watching us right now, and I’m glad I did because my legs are like playdough.

We have to walk past the Devil’s table to get to the exit. I try to ignore him, gripping on to Adam’s hand like it’s a lifebuoy, hoping to pass him and get out of here without any drama. But Adam suddenly stops, so abruptly that I stumble into him.

‘All right?’ Adam looks down at Tariq and his date, his features hard. SHIT. What is he doing? I want to turn and run, but Adam is still holding on to my hand. And I can’t let that bastard know his presence has affected me.

‘Um, h-hi,’ Tariq stammers nervously. Oh God, that voice. Shhh, I know you want me to, babe.

My head starts to spin again. Round and round and round.

We’re getting married, babe. What’s the big deal?

I hold on to Adam tighter, my nails digging into his arm, but he doesn’t even flinch.

‘Zara mentioned that you two were engaged back in the day? I’m Adam, her husband.’