Just as I’m about to eat the last morsel of juicy, fatty lamb encased in a soft flatbread, my phone beeps. I glance down at it to see that it’s a text from Hamza. I figure it’s probably him saying goodnight, so I wait until I’ve finished before I open it up.
I’m here.
My heart stops for a second. What the hell does he mean, he’s here? Where? I look around the garden nervously, half expecting him to be hiding in a date palm.
Where?I hastily type, getting grease all over my phone screen.
In Dubai.
What!!!!! Why??? How come???
I was supposed to come for a meeting next month but since you’re here, I thought I’d bring the meeting forward and take the opportunity to surprise you.
Shit shit shit shit! Coming out here was supposed to be an escape from all the crap going on in my life, all the difficult decisions I need to make. This was supposed to be my safe haven. And now he’s here.
Say something then. I thought you’d be happy?
I try to speak, but it’s more of a squeak that comes out. ‘Sabs! He’s here!’
‘Who?’ she drawls lazily, stuffing more shawarma into her mouth.
‘Hamza!’
Now that’s got her attention. ‘What?’ she sits up so suddenly that she drops her sandwich into the pool. Muttering profanities under her breath, she tries, and fails, to fish it out and it sinks sorrowfully to the bottom. ‘Is he stalking you?’
‘No! I don’t think so .?.?. He said he was meant to come out here for work but moved his trip so he could see me.’
Sabs looks unimpressed. ‘Sounds like stalking to me. What if you didn’t want to see him, or had plans?’
I stare at her miserably. ‘This is the least of my concerns right now. How am I supposed to face him after what happened with Adam?’
‘I thought you already saw him when he “surprised” you with meeting his family? He likes surprises, doesn’t he?’
‘That was different. There were loads of people around. We weren’t alone. I can’t face him alone!’
‘Well, now that he’s here, you’re going to have to, aren’t you? Better to get it over with now so you can go home with a clear head and start afresh.’
I lie and text:
I am happy. Shocked that’s all! Breakfast tomorrow?
My meeting’s tomorrow morning. Let me take you out somewhere nice for dinner?
Great!
The next day, after a long lie-in, I get up and spend the rest of the morning hanging out with my niece and nephews in the pool. It’s hot and I know my tan is bordering on barbecued, but we’re having too much fun to go back indoors. Mum will be horrified when she sees how dark I’ve become, but I don’t really care what she thinks right now.
At around five I trudge upstairs to get ready for my execution/date! I brought one nice dress with me, an emerald-green silk maxi dress with a low back. I took it out of my suitcase this morning so I could iron it later, but when I get out the shower I find that Dolly, Sabs’ live-in helper, has already ironed it and hung it up for me. She’s been making me breakfast every day as well, and my niece has been making me snacks and keeping me company whenever her mum’s not around. I could seriously get used to this.
I do my makeup quickly and keep it simple because it’s way too hot for full coverage and I don’t think my foundation matches my complexion anymore, so it’s literally a layer of mascara, a dusting of bronzer and a swipe of tinted lip gloss. I keep my hair up too because the back of my neck is constantly sweating, creating little rivulets that trickle down my back. I take it back – I don’t think I could get used to this life after all. Slipping my feet into Sabina’s designer heels, I go downstairs and wait for Hamza to arrive, thankful that Sabs is at work and a) can’t criticise my makeup and b) can’t meet Hamza and give him the third degree.
The nerves intensify while I wait. I think back to Sabs’ reaction at his ‘surprise’. He’s ambushed me again. I know he was trying to do something nice, and possibly romantic, but does the intention justify the means?
When he texts, I slip out of the house quietly so as not to disturb the kids, my stomach buzzing with nervous anticipation – and not in a good way. He’s at the wheel of a tank of a car and he jumps out to greet me before opening the passenger door for me, being the gentleman that he is. My stomach twists into a knot.
‘I’ve missed you, habibti,’ he says with a smile as he drives away confidently.
My heart twists, mostly with guilt but also with the realisation that I’ve missed him too. Is surprising your sort-of girlfriend in another country really that bad? As far as sins go, it’s pretty minor. Nothing compared to what I’ve done to him, anyway.