‘So, it’s not a “no”?’ I can tell that he’s smiling his massive, beaming smile and his enthusiasm is beginning to rub off on me, as it always does.
I laugh. ‘No, it’s not a “no”.’
Hanging up, I put my phone away and turn on my computer, a silly smile on my face. I have no idea what my parents will say about this, or if I want to go ahead with Hamza’s crazy plan, but it’s kinda romantic, right? And it’s nice to have someone want me this badly.
‘Hey, askim, what’s got you smiling like a Cheshire cat this morning?’ Adam says, striding into the room and grinning at me lazily, the morning sun highlighting the golden strands in his hair. I gawk at him like he’s walked in wearing a saree, my blood turning cold with anger. So now he’s deciding to treat me like an actual human being, then? Now he’s deciding to call me ‘askim’ again? After weeks of ignoring me, he decides that today – the day Hamza has asked me to bring forward our wedding date to THREE DAYS FROM NOW – is the perfect time to turn on that stupid, captivating, knee-weakening Adam charm?
‘None of your goddamn business,’ I snap, turning my face away in time to feel that bloody tingling sensation in my eyes. Don’t you dare let him see you cry, I tell myself ferociously, blinking rapidly to stop the tears from falling.
‘What’s wrong, babe?’ he asks, his face full of fake concern as he comes over to me and squats by my desk, turning my swivel chair around so I’m facing him. I resist the urge to kick him where the sun doesn’t shine and make do with turning my face away instead.
‘Don’t effing “babe” me, all right?’ I snarl, refusing to look him in the eye. ‘Now, if you don’t mind, I have work to do.’ I spin my chair back around and open up my emails to signal the end of this particular exchange, but he refuses to move.
‘What’s your problem?’ he demands, grabbing my chair again, and I hold on to the desk to stop myself from turning in his direction. I can’t deal with him spinning me to and fro whenever he bloody wants to, so I get up and face him, my arms crossed defensively. There’s an unreadable expression on his face as he towers above me, and it’s almost as if I don’t know him anymore. I take a step back, but I don’t back down.
‘My problem? You’re the one who turns hot and cold faster than the British weather!’ I say sharply. ‘I thought we were friends but friends don’t freeze each other out whenever they want. Well, I’m done, OK? I’m done with you thinking you can charm me one second and ignore me the next!’
‘I froze you out?’ He looks at me incredulously, like I’m speaking Bengali, not comprehensible, digestible, simple English. ‘You’re the one who didn’t show up to work and disappeared for an entire week!’
‘I didn’t disappear! I had an emergency!’
‘Oh really, how convenient.’ He raises an eyebrow mockingly and I resist the urge to slap his stupid, arrogant face. ‘“Family business” problems, right?’
‘What are you saying?’ I retort, crossing my arms. ‘That I missed work for a week to avoid you? Why would I want to avoid my friend?’ I emphasise the word ‘friend’, my voice thick with sarcasm.
‘I don’t know, maybe because I kissed you and you felt something but you were too scared to admit it?’ He’s standing right in front of me now, so close I can smell him, a dark glint in his eyes. His scent – the freshness and spice – transports me right back to the night I finally got to feel his lips on mine. I stumble backwards. This isn’t like before. I’m engaged now and there’s no way I’m going to make the same mistake twice. I know this, of course I know this, but I can’t stop the goosebumps from forming as I watch his eyes move away from my stare and down to my lips.
Time stops – and so does my heart – as I wait for him to either break the spell or lean into it and into me.
The door opens and in walks Francesca. I leap backwards and Adam does the same, crashing into the desk behind him and then swearing.
‘Am I interrupting something?’ She walks over to her desk and then sits on it with her legs crossed, her skirt riding up and exposing her beautifully smooth, toned legs. I see Adam’s eyes flicker to them for a microsecond, and I snort. Just the wake-up call I needed.
‘No, nothing important,’ I reply smoothly. ‘I need to pop out for a bit. Please let Kevin know if he asks.’ With that, I grab my phone and head to the fire exit so I can get out of there before my head explodes.
The weather has started to turn chilly in the space of two weeks, the blistering summer sun already a thing of the past, and the autumn wind whips through my hair as I sit down on the steps by the fire exit and pull my hoodie close around my body. First I curse Adam for choosing this moment to start talking to me again, then I curse Francesca for having her way with him, and then I run out of people to curse so I curse myself for being the cheating cow that I am. I’ve been telling myself that the kiss was a farce, that I didn’t want it, that he swooped in on me before I had the chance to say no – but the truth is, I liked it. And if he hadn’t woken up two days later with a different girl entangled in his sheets, then right now I probably wouldn’t be engaged to Hamza.
But you want Hamza, my conscience reminds me. You chose him because he’s right for you. You don’t need him. You don’t need anyone. But you want him.
The fire door creaks open and I shuffle out of the way to let whoever it is pass by, but no one does so I turn to see Adam standing beside me. His hands are stuffed into his pockets and he looks as uncomfortable as my bum feels right now on the cold, uneven concrete stair.
‘Can I talk to you?’ he begins, and I nod my consent in defeat, moving over so he can sit down too. He does, and although there are a couple of inches between us, I can already feel the heat from his body. I shuffle up some more, creating as much distance as I can.
‘Look, I need to tell you something.’ I can hear the nerves in his voice and I look at his hands clenched in his lap, the knuckles white with tension. I wonder what he wants to say to me that’s making him so nervous, and if he wants to hand in his notice. He’s been acting so odd at work lately .?.?. like his mind and heart isn’t in it. I always knew he’d move on to greater pastures as soon as he worked up the energy to try something new. He’s so talented yet he has no idea.
‘I need to tell you something too,’ I respond, glancing at him from the corner of my eye.
‘Do you want to go first, or shall I?’
‘I’ll go first.’ I take a deep breath and tuck my trembling hands under my legs. I don’t know how to say this to him, so I decide to blurt it out as quickly and painlessly as possible because the longer I wait, the harder it will be. ‘I’m getting married to Hamza.’
I feel his body stiffen next to mine and I hold my breath, waiting for his reaction.
‘When?’ His voice is quiet, and I continue to stare at my knees, too afraid to look at him.
‘Saturday.’
‘What the hell? This Saturday? In three days?’ He stands up abruptly and starts pacing in the alleyway, running his hands through his hair. I watch him from the corner of my eye.