An Italian Dream

‘I wanted to tell you, I really did, but it’s been a lot to process, to suddenly have this life-changing amount of money. I had to open a new bank account, have a chat with the Lottery people, then meetings with legal and financial advisors. A life coach too. There’s been loads to think about. And if it makes you feel any better, I only told Chloe at the beginning of the week and I’ve not told Jacob yet because he’ll immediately tell his dad, particularly if I ask him not to. I can’t be dealing with that right now. I don’t want my whole life turned upside down. That’s why I opted for anonymity. I didn’t want my name and face to be splashed everywhere or to deal with the fallout from that. Going public felt complicated. Although keeping it secret has thrown up its own issues. I’m so relieved to have finally told you.’

‘I’m so glad you have.’ Fern reached across the bubbling hot tub, put her hand on Stella’s and grinned. ‘I think this calls for champagne!’

It was rare for them to spend the whole weekend together. With Chloe away at Kingston University studying drama and Stella’s thirteen-year-old son Jacob at his dad’s every other weekend, Stella had plenty of time to focus on herself, to go out and enjoy life, but it was a different story for Fern. Young motherhood, raising twins, plus twenty years of marriage to Paul, had taken its toll on her once vivacious, fun-loving friend. On the cusp of turning forty, it was good to see her letting her hair down and enjoying herself for once.

They’d left early that morning, driving just over an hour from Nailsea to Aqua Sana in Longleat Forest. The laughter they’d shared on the drive had taken Stella back to their teens when they’d both had no responsibility and little to think about beyond where they were going out. They’d often drive into Bristol together, leave the car at a friend’s, go to a nightclub in town and crash back at the friend’s – unless one of them pulled and ended up somewhere else for the night.

With shrieks and giggles, they climbed out of the hot tub and braved the cold, throwing on their white robes and dashing in flip-flops along the wooden walkway inside, past the pool area to the alpine steam room. Stella imagined the heat cleansing her pores, drawing out all the badness. She imagined it tugging at her regrets too, trying to cleanse her past. Would she change anything if she could go back? Probably. Actually, scratch that. Definitely.

When it came to relationships, Stella’s love life had been chequered to say the least. While Fern had got pregnant at the end of the summer after their A-levels, Stella had headed off to Cardiff University to study business management and enjoy student life to the full. Yet, a couple of years later, she’d followed in Fern’s footsteps when an ill-fated fling at university resulted in Chloe being born not long after she graduated, but she did graduate. She and Gary made the best of it, getting hitched, moving to Bristol and muddling along together for a couple of years before divorcing when Chloe was two.

With no choice but to move back in with her parents, who she’d had a difficult relationship with even before she disappointed them with an unplanned pregnancy, it was the push Stella needed to work her arse off for herself and Chloe, find an entry-level job in marketing that utilised the skills she’d acquired at uni and move out. Somehow she’d managed to juggle work and school runs, relying on childminders and friends such as Fern to enable her to make a success of single motherhood.

Then she’d met Rhod and had fallen for his charm and good looks. Life had been sweet for a while. They’d got married and Jacob had come along. Five-year-old Chloe had doted on her baby brother. They were a family for a few years, just like Fern, Paul, and their girls, Ruby and Amber, were, until the cracks in Stella and Rhod’s relationship became insurmountable. History repeated itself and she found herself divorced and a single mum for the second time, although both Chloe and Jacob’s dads remained supportive fathers.

Stella shifted uncomfortably on the curved tiled bench and not just from the overpowering heat of the steam room. Life was good, so much better than when she was married, but she couldn’t help but feel a failure when she thought back on past relationships, however strong she was for going it alone again. She knew she had a confidence and an outgoing personality that overshadowed Fern, but before Fern had got pregnant, she was the one who used to light up a room, who everyone noticed – men in particular. As sweat poured down her face and between her bikini-clad breasts, Stella contemplated their differences. Fern was a natural beauty with large doe eyes, full lips, lush porcelain skin and delicate features. They were both blonde, although Stella had a little help from a bottle with her choppy ice-blonde shoulder-length hair, while Fern’s was a natural honey-blonde, long and wavy. They were both slim and had kept in shape, although Stella was curvier, something she’d embraced as she’d got older. Her outlook on turning forty was: bring it on! Her motto was ‘work hard, play hard’, but she knew Fern wasn’t relishing the idea of the big four-zero. Stella looked at her now, resting back with her eyes closed, her long hair scrunched up in a band, golden tendrils framing her flushed face. She wasn't one for rocking the boat, opting instead for a quiet life and making do with her lot. In Stella’s eyes, her best friend deserved more.

With an excited Fern asking Stella a barrage of questions about the Lottery win, they moved from the heat of the steam room to the extreme cold of the ice cave, which left them refreshed and giggling. Stella relished the warm softness of her fluffy robe as they finally relaxed in the Scandinavian Snug and began to thaw out. They sat on the deep padded seating, their legs curled beneath them, snuggled under cosy blankets. An artificial fire glowed and crackled in the centre of the room, and the numb icy feeling dispersed as the warmth enveloped her.

‘This is the life.’ Stella sighed.

Fern raised her eyebrows. ‘And something you can get used to.’

Stella silently acknowledged that what was a treat for her, must feel like a total treat to Fern. It could be her reality whenever she wanted from now on.

‘The first thing I want to do is go on holiday,’ Stella said, smoothing her hand down the soft fur blanket across her lap. ‘I was thinking the last two weeks in May to celebrate our fortieth birthdays. Me, you and our girls for most of it. Jacob can come out with his dad for a bit over half-term. Paul too if he fancies it. We’ve never done a proper girls’ holiday.’

‘We have.’

‘A caravan in Wales when the girls were young doesn’t count.’ She gave Fern a stern look, then giggled. ‘It was fun though. It’ll be like old times… except in luxury.’ She placed a hand on Fern’s. ‘And it’s on me.’

Fern’s eyes widened. ‘Oh Stella, you can’t go spending all your money on us. This weekend is more than enough.’

‘I want to do this. And it’s a celebration for us turning forty!’

Fern shook her head. ‘It doesn’t have to be a joint thing – my birthday’s six weeks after yours.’

‘So? I want this to be a birthday celebration for both of us – to kick-start our forties in style.’ Stella grinned and drummed her feet in excitement on the smooth wooden floor. ‘It will be so much fun. Our forties are going to be the best decade of our lives.’

Stella noticed Fern’s smile wane a little. They’d recently talked about their impending forties and she knew Fern was uncertain about heading into a whole new decade. Both of them had spent their twenties raising children and while Stella still had Jacob at home, that part of Fern’s life was over. At twenty, Ruby and Amber were adults and had left home, not really needing their mum any more. She knew Fern was floundering, and with good reason. Stella tried to encourage her to do things that would make her happy, whether that was to go out more or by giving her the confidence to pursue long-held ambitions. Fern was most definitely stuck in a rut. Stella hated seeing her this way, particularly when Paul continued to live his life as he’d always done…

Stella placed a warm hand on Fern’s arm. ‘One other thing, though. Please don’t tell anyone. I’ll break the news to Amber and Ruby, but don’t tell Paul yet.’

‘I won’t, don’t worry.’ Fern looked at Stella intently. ‘When are you going to tell everyone though? It’s not like this is something you can keep secret forever. As soon as you start spending, people will start asking.’

‘I know.’ Stella acknowledged that she was normally careful with her hard-earned money. Splashing out on things wouldn’t go unnoticed for long. ‘I just need more time to think it through. I don’t want to be rash and have regrets. I also don’t want people crawling out of the woodwork as soon as they know I have money. I’m only telling the people I absolutely trust at the moment, and that’s a pretty small circle: just you and Chloe. I trust Jacob, I just don’t trust his dad to not blab to everyone.’ She raised an eyebrow. ‘Come on, let’s get changed and go celebrate.’

* * *

After a boozy dinner of moules mariniere and poulet Breton, which involved much flirting – on Stella’s part at least – with the young and rather good-looking waiter, they headed arm-in-arm, tipsy and giggling, back through the forest to their luxurious woodland-themed two-bedroom apartment which was nestled among the trees.

Stella uncorked a bottle of champagne and, with a pop and a cheer, she poured them each a glassful.

‘To being forty and fabulous.’ She clinked her glass against Fern’s.

‘And to friendship.’ Fern tapped their glasses together again and they each took a sip. ‘So, where do you want to go on holiday?’

‘I have no idea.’ Stella laughed. ‘I’m so used to having to think about the cost. I don’t want to spend ages travelling, so perhaps Europe.’ She swirled the champagne around her glass. ‘Somewhere beautiful and inspiring. Fitting for a fortieth. Preferably with good-looking men.’ She winked. There’d been plenty of men after Rhod, even another brief engagement, but no one she’d truly connected with.