An Italian Dream

4

FERN

A freezing miserable winter morphed into spring, bringing with it a flurry of activity in preparation for the impending holiday to Capri. Stella had organised everything, from booking the flights and accommodation to keeping her and the girls updated via their WhatsApp group.

Fern went along with the joint birthday plans, but as she wasn’t actually turning forty until July, she wanted the focus of the celebrations in Capri to be on Stella. With the holiday being paid for by Stella, she agonised over what to get her for a present. Fern didn’t have much spare cash and she didn’t like asking Paul for money, particularly when she wanted it to be something special just from her. In the end, by saving up a little extra each month, she bought two things: a silver friendship bracelet to give Stella on her birthday in Capri, plus a colourful print of iconic Bristol sights by a local artist for when they returned. She hoped it would remind Stella of all the things they’d done together and the happy times they’d shared over the years: taking the girls and Jacob to the Bristol International Balloon Fiesta, a fish and chip cruise on The Matthew for a friend’s wedding reception and the distant memory of boozy nights out on the harbourside. Ideally, she would have loved to have created something herself, but she hadn’t really drawn since her teens. Her desire to do a creative course such as the graphic design degree she had once hoped to pursue was a distant dream and her passion for art had diminished over the years, along with her confidence.

With the start of May, the countdown to the fourteenth was on, and Fern’s excitement was mixed with guilt that Paul would be working while she was away having fun. She knew she shouldn’t think like that, but still…

‘Are you absolutely sure you don’t mind me swanning off for two weeks?’ Fern asked at breakfast.

‘Course not.’ He looked at her across the kitchen table, a piece of toast in his hand, a mug of tea in the other. ‘Stella’s doing well for herself though.’

‘Yes, she is,’ Fern said calmly. It didn’t sit comfortably with her not being able to tell Paul the truth, particularly as the girls knew. ‘You’re going to be okay on your own?’

He shrugged. ‘I’ll be working most of the time.’

‘The freezer’s full – I cooked a batch of chilli. There’s a couple of different curries too. The recycling schedule is pinned to the fridge and I’ve marked anything important on the calendar.’

‘Thanks, love.’

‘And if you’re able to drop Ruby at the airport on the twenty-seventh to save her getting a taxi, that’ll be great. I know the flight’s super early.’

‘It’s fine, don’t worry.’ He downed the tea, dumped his mug and plate next to the sink and left her with a peck on the cheek.

One week to go and the excitement grew as Stella teased them by adding a couple of images in their WhatsApp group of a sparkling pool and a sun-drenched terrace of the villa they’d be staying in. Haircuts and waxes were booked, and Paul told Fern to treat herself to a new bikini and a couple of summery outfits. By the time the holiday dawned, Fern felt more optimistic and uplifted than she had in a very long time.

* * *

Fern woke before the alarm on the morning of the holiday with excitement and nerves twisting her stomach. Paul was snoring next to her, in just his boxer shorts with the bed covers thrown off. She lay on her side and gazed at him for a while, considering whether to run her fingers through his chest hair, to kiss him awake for morning sex. Perhaps she would have done a long time ago. She couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken her like that either. Once the girls were older, and particularly now they’d left home, there was more time and opportunity to do things like that, to put the spark back in their marriage, but she had zero desire and she was unsure why. She slipped out of bed instead and went into the en suite to get ready.

Amber had arrived home the day before, and after her shower, Fern knocked on her bedroom door to make sure she was awake.

Paul needed to leave for work early. He said goodbye to Amber and gave Fern a kiss. It was an odd thing; she was used to him working a lot, getting home late, and when the girls were younger, she’d go away with them for a long weekend and Paul would have weekends away with his mates too, yet they’d never spent as long as two weeks apart. Fern pulled him close and hugged him tight. He hugged her back and laughed.

‘You silly mare; you’re only going for a couple of weeks. You have a nice time.’ And that was it, he was out of the front door without a backwards glance.

Fern went upstairs to their bedroom to double-check she had everything. She felt silly for feeling uncertain about going away without him. It was just two weeks. Anyway, she wasn’t going to have time to miss him. Halfway across the room, she stopped, a thought hitting her. Would she actually miss him? She found herself continually being annoyed by Paul, only little things, but lots of little things had grown into a bigger problem. He was always too busy to talk. It never seemed the right time to bring up her concerns and upset him, because she knew she would.

‘Mum! Have you got a spare toothpaste you can chuck in for me?’ Amber’s voice carried up the stairs, tugging her from her worries.

‘I’ll check!’ Fern called back.

She riffled in the cupboard under the sink and found another toothpaste. She closed the en-suite door and took one last look round the bedroom. She was sure the bedding wouldn’t be changed or the bed made until she returned.

She sighed and jogged down the stairs to join Amber and wait for Stella. At the sight of their suitcases and bags lining the hallway, her excitement and anticipation returned.

Amber was waiting in the front room, perched on the arm of the sofa, scrolling on her mobile.

Fern glanced at her watch. ‘Stella and Chloe will be here soon. You sure you’ve got everything?’

‘Yes, Mum.’ Her tone was frosty.

‘I’m only checking because you’ve already asked me for one thing.’ Fern sighed as she handed her the toothpaste. She didn’t want to feel as if she had to tiptoe around Amber. She hoped the holiday would bring them closer together but witnessing Amber’s coolness with both her and Paul since she’d got home the day before, she wasn’t feeling optimistic.

Amber was, in Fern’s mind, dressed more for a night out than for a long journey. Although, to be fair, with a stack of bangles on her arm, gold-coloured sandals, a short skirt and a crop top that showed her slender tummy, she looked ready for a day of shopping in Capri. Her make-up was flawless and her long blonde hair tousled. Fern had gone for comfort over style, with slim-fitting capri-style trousers and a pale-blue short-sleeved blouse. She looked and felt very middle-aged as she gazed at her slim and sparkly grown-up daughter.

Tyres crunched on the gravel driveway. Clasping her phone, Amber raced to the front door and yanked it open. Fern followed and they stood on the doorstep together as a taxi pulled up and Stella got out with a wave. Fern’s heart dropped as she realised she was way off the mark with her choice of clothes. Stella managed to look both summery and glitzy with a floor-skimming leopard-print maxi skirt and a black top with capped sleeves that showcased her tanned arms. Fern was pretty certain the whole outfit was brand new and the tan was out of a bottle, but she couldn’t deny just how good she looked.