An Italian Dream

‘What? Like getting older, becoming a grandparent? Muddling along like I am now?’ Fern shook her head. ‘It’s not that I want to go back to that part of my life. And even if I could, doing anything differently would mean not having Ruby and Amber.’ She sighed. ‘Despite getting pregnant young and how my life has turned out, I wouldn’t change them for the world.’

‘I know you wouldn’t.’ Stella put her hand on top of Fern’s, where it rested on the crumbling edge of a wall. ‘Come on, let’s go get a drink. Or a gelato.’

* * *

The long walk was made slightly easier with a stop-off at a gelateria, where they enjoyed a cooling ice cream: a zesty Caprese lemon flavour for Stella and a smooth and sweet mulberry flavour for Fern. Stella was relieved when they finally made it back to the villa, albeit hot, sweaty and tired.

A bottle of sunscreen and empty wine glasses littered the table outside, and damp towels were strewn over the backs of chairs. Stella bit her lip and imagined just how good an evening Chloe and Amber would have.

By the time Stella and Fern had both showered and changed, the pool terrace was dusk-tinged. As well as stopping for gelato earlier, they’d eaten a huge lunch in a restaurant in Capri town, so apart from munching on a fruit platter and drinking gin and tonic, they decided to forgo going out again to eat. Stella’s legs ached and she was enjoying finally feeling cool and comfortable, soaking up the view.

Fern called it a night early and headed to her room with her Kindle. Stella stayed outside a while longer, listening to the chattering insects in the undergrowth as darkness took over. What would the girls be up to now? Actually, she didn’t want to know. It might have been a long time ago, but she remembered all too well how she’d behaved at their age.

She poured herself another gin and tonic and retreated inside. It was still early, so she propped herself up against a pile of pillows in her room and rang Jacob.

‘Hey, Mum.’

Even though he was safe at his dad’s and she’d messaged him every day, it was good to hear his voice.

‘Hey there. You’re having fun with your dad?’

‘Yeah, s’all right. He’s taking me and Ethan out for pizza after school tomorrow.’

‘Wow. A proper Monday night treat. Lucky you.’

‘Yeah, we had a Sunday roast at Granny and Grandad’s today.’

‘I bet that was nice.’ And she meant it too. Although she and Rhod hadn’t worked out, she missed her parents-in-law. In many ways, she’d got on better with them than she did with her own parents. It was silly, she knew, to be envious of the relationship Jacob had with them. They’d all managed to remain civil and friends after the divorce, but she missed the closeness that they’d had as a family. She wondered if anything would change once they knew about her Lottery win.

Jacob was telling her about a film he’d watched. She tuned back in, keen to listen when he was actually willing to talk.

‘Are you looking forward to half-term and coming out here?’ she asked.

‘Yeah, gonna miss football though.’

‘I’m sure you can watch it out here if you have to.’

‘No, Mum,’ he huffed. ‘Not on the telly. The actual tournament. I would have been picked for the team.’

‘Ah, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m sure there’ll be another chance.’ Stella sighed. Even a few days on Capri couldn’t trump football, but then again, she’d booked Capri completely with herself in mind. She’d been certain that Chloe would love it too. But Jacob… ‘I’m looking forward to seeing you. We’ve got a private pool and the place is amazing, so hopefully that’ll make up for missing football.’

‘Is there a TV in my room?’

‘Not that you’ll want to spend any time inside watching TV, but yes.’

They chatted a little more, but Jacob was obviously distracted. She imagined him holed up in his room on his Xbox only half listening to her. She wrapped things up, promising to give him a call in another couple of days.

‘Bye, Mum.’

‘Love you.’

Stella put her phone on the bedside table and rested back on the pillows. Jacob was at that tricky age. She could sense his internal battle of still needing his mum while not actually wanting anything to do with her. It had been similar with Chloe at thirteen. She’d been the same with her own parents. The trouble was, that distance had continued into adulthood; she wasn’t close to them and couldn’t see a way of regaining the closeness they’d had when she and her sister had been growing up. She didn’t want it to be the same with her own children. Her older sister hadn’t disappointed their parents like she had, with drink and drugs in her teens, an unplanned pregnancy, two failed marriages, countless unsuitable (in their eyes) relationships and two children by two different dads. The list went on and on. She’d stopped caring what they thought long ago and only made an effort to keep in touch for Jacob and Chloe’s sake.

It had been good to hear Jacob’s voice, even if talking to him had made her think about things she didn’t want to be thinking about. She snuggled beneath the covers. Fern had been the one who’d wanted an early night. She was a homebody; she enjoyed going out for a meal or to the cinema, but that was as exciting as it got. Stella was a night owl and rarely went to bed this early.

Where would Chloe and Amber be now?she thought. She was insanely jealous and would have loved to have gone out with them. She needed to persuade Fern to have a proper night out. Stella needed her fun-loving friend back again.

Annoyed by the troubling thought that she was getting old, she closed her eyes, tried to empty her mind and willed herself to sleep.