An Italian Dream

Luca snorted. ‘Of course. I make many mistakes, but always at the time I think they were the right thing to do. It is the only way to look at things. Or you are forever too hard on yourself.’ He caressed her arm and slid his fingers between hers. ‘What do you regret?’

Stella breathed in the sweet scent of roses and gazed at the black-blue sky decorated with stars. From where they were sitting, Positano was almost hidden, only a faint glow suggested there was anything beyond the pool.

‘I regret sleeping with my best friend’s husband.’

If Luca was shocked, he didn’t show it.

‘Your friend who is here on Capri?’

‘Yep.’ Saying it out loud sounded even worse than it had in her head. She was a terrible person. ‘I’ve been in love with him since I was eighteen. At least, I thought I was in love. I’m pretty certain it was only teenage lust – I was too young to understand my feelings, but at the time they felt all-consuming. We slept together once a long time ago, a drunken thing at a party – we didn’t even spend the night together. My friend Fern knew nothing about it – she still doesn’t – and to be honest my memories are pretty hazy. He fancied Fern though and they became an item, then she got pregnant and he married her. He may have done the decent thing at the time, but in reality he’s a dick. I know it because in a moment of stupidity I had fling with him just under a year ago…’

‘Does your friend know her husband is a shit?’ Luca held her gaze.

‘I’m not sure. She’s not heard it from me. I haven’t yet had the guts to tell her.’ Stella gave a hollow laugh. ‘I’ve always been drawn to the wrong type of bloke.’

‘Huh. The wrong type. Is that what I am?’ he said playfully.

‘Are you?’

‘You tell me.’

‘You’re not the right type, that’s for sure. Inviting us on your party boat to sail along the coast for a couple of days. We’d have been naive as hell to not know your true intentions.’

He gave a knowing nod. ‘And yet, here you are.’

Stella grinned, appreciating his frankness. ‘Here I am. To be fair to you, I was kinda hoping for this outcome.’

‘Certo.’ He held his hands up. ‘Lo so.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I say of course, I know.’ He shrugged. ‘And that you like me.’

‘You were that confident, huh?’ Of course he was, she thought.

His hand slid down her side until it rested on her hip. And she’d been certain in her confidence that they’d end up together. A few hedonistic days before reality took over again. Yet her reality was going to be very different, she knew that. Her secret would soon be a secret no more. She would deal with the fallout and move on with her life. Whatever happened, she was going to make the best of what life dealt her.

‘You still love him, this man of yours?’

‘Oh, he’s not mine and never will be. And no, I don’t love him any longer. I’ve lusted after him over the years. I was jealous for a long time that Fern got to be with him. After my second marriage ended, I was in a really bad place. Fern was there for me, but Paul was too. He was a good friend. He’s friends with my ex-husband too, but sided with me when things got messy – he was an unofficial mediator and helped us to get through our divorce on speaking terms.’

Stella paused, thinking back over the series of events that had led her to make a monumental mistake. ‘And then, last year, I bumped into him on a night out – Fern wasn’t with me – and one thing led to another. I also know it wasn’t the first time he’d cheated on his wife. Paul talks to my ex and I’ve found things out. I’ve made huge mistakes, but I can’t forgive Paul for the way he’s treated Fern. I think I was just in love with the idea of what could have been, if we’d got together properly a long time ago, before he got serious with Fern.’

‘Do you think your friend would have stayed with him if they had no kids?’

‘No.’ Stella snorted. ‘No chance. She was trapped by pregnancy, shame and the pressure of doing the right thing and the fear of being alone. The truth is, she’d be better off without him. I know that; I’m sure her daughters do too, and perhaps on some level she knows it. I just need to have the guts to own up to my mistakes, however hard that will be.’

‘Why are you telling me this, Stella?’ He paused his caress, but as he shuffled to look at her, his sly grin gave away the fact that he was teasing her.

‘Because when you take us back to Capri, I’m never going to see you again. Plus it’s helpful to talk my shit through with someone far removed from the situation, who doesn’t actually know me. I feel as if I can talk to you honestly without judgement.’

‘That’s true.’

‘Which bit?’

‘All of it, although you’re welcome to let me know if you’re ever back in Italy. I like you. I like your spirit, your independence. I like that you are okay with this being some fun.’

‘And nothing else.’ She cupped her free hand around his stubbled jaw and drew him closer. She liked him too and would miss him, but… it was a holiday fling, nothing more.