FERN
Fern’s sleep was filled with erotic dreams about Matteo. It was an unsettled night and she woke late. Sunshine slid through the gap in the curtains. Dust motes swirled in the golden light. Her limbs were tangled in the bedsheets and her skin was beaded with sweat. She threw off the covers and went to the en suite for a shower. She emerged feeling refreshed, if tired.
Being in Tuscany with Matteo had opened her eyes to the possibility of a different future, one filled with hope, freedom and happiness. Matteo had ignited something. The strength of her feelings scared her. She’d been stuck in a rut and trapped by expectation and the pressure she’d put on herself to be a dutiful wife, a perfect mother, to keep everything together, when, in reality, their ‘happy’ family had been falling apart. She’d turned a blind eye to what was really going on, both around her and inside her heart.
Staying at Il Ritiro d’Arte had reminded her of who she’d once been and showed her who she had become. It had given her time to think about who she wanted to be. She’d made new friends and had talked to people who didn’t know her, who weren’t frightened to ask the difficult questions. It had been the reality check she’d needed.
Anxiety attacked her stomach as she dressed in a mid-length skirt and blouse and went to find Matteo. He hadn’t been fazed when she’d stopped their kiss. She’d loved that. She was also touched by the way he’d opened up to her too.
Over breakfast, he was as warm and open as he’d been on Capri. Then, with business to attend to, he met with the staff that looked after the retreat, and she explored. While the views on Capri had been dramatic and a glamour permeated the place, the Tuscan retreat was nestled in tranquil countryside. Vineyards studded the landscape, and cypress trees and the stone walls of an ancient fortress topped the rolling hills. It was hands down the most beautiful place she’d ever visited.
Right then, gazing out at the calming green, Fern made a promise to herself that she wasn’t going to continue feeling lost and pathetic.
* * *
They stayed for lunch, a simple but delicious spread of fresh crusty bread, sun-dried tomatoes, salami, vine tomatoes and a couple of local cheeses. The whirlwind twenty-four hours had – unsurprisingly – flown by and all too soon they were heading back along the picturesque Tuscan road towards Siena and the heliport.
It was quite the life he lived, with a luxury villa on Capri and a sprawling sixteenth-century monastery-turned-retreat in Tuscany. Despite opening up to each other, much had been left unsaid, particularly when it came to their feelings. Matteo was constantly surrounded by guests, friends and staff, yet a loneliness enveloped him, a feeling that Fern connected with. She had a husband, two daughters, plenty of friends and work colleagues, yet so much of the time she felt completely on her own.
They were both subdued and lost in their own thoughts when they eventually reached Anacapri. Fern was left feeling emotionally wrung out. They were welcomed back by Ana and Arthur who drew them in to the orangery to talk to Matteo about his painting. Fern made her excuses and went to her room to finish packing properly. Stella had messaged her to say they were already back on Capri. Fern couldn’t put off leaving any longer.
Edith wasn’t at the retreat; Fern was rather relieved because she thought she might burst into tears if she’d started asking questions about Tuscany.
Matteo booked a taxi to take her to the piazzetta. She met him downstairs in the entrance hall. Her heart thumped and her palms sweated as she gazed up at him.
‘Tell Edith goodbye, but I’ll come back and say goodbye properly before I leave Capri.’
‘Good, I’m glad we’ll see you again.’
His eyes traced her face and he took her hand in his. She swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat. All she wanted to do was fling her arms around him and never let go.
‘Thank you for everything.’ She reached up, kissed him on each cheek and left.
* * *
Villa Giardino was shadowed, but music and chatter drifted from somewhere outside. Dusk had descended. The moon shone brightly, casting a silver glimmer across the dimly lit grounds. Fern considered retreating to her room. She didn’t want to face anyone, didn’t want to try and put into words the impact the last few days had had on her or share anything about it. She stopped for a moment. The garden reminded her of Matteo’s retreat, with its winding path, looming trees and the sweet scent of flowers. She gazed up at the sky speckled with stars. It was easy to imagine she was back there, but she wasn’t and she’d have to see the others at some point. She’d already received a message from Stella wondering where she was.
Fern sighed, hefted her rucksack higher on her back and followed the path that meandered around the side of the villa through the garden thick with foliage and flowers. She loved the enclosed garden at Il Ritiro d’Arte with its hidden patios and oversized pots spilling with flowers and herbs, but the terrace at Villa Giardino with its glowing pool and sweeping view of Capri twinkling with lights still took her breath away. It was the epitome of glamour, yet she longed for the peace of Anacapri and the retreat within its private oasis.
Stella, Amber and Chloe were sitting at the table, facing the view, chatting and laughing together. She wondered if their few days on the yacht had had as profound an impact…
‘Fern! You’re back!’
The peace was shattered by Stella. They scraped their chairs back as Fern walked over.
‘We were expecting you to be here before us.’ Stella pulled her into a hug.
Fern dropped her rucksack on the ground and joined them at the table. Chloe smiled warmly and Fern met Amber’s eyes. She smiled, but there was a coolness which reminded Fern that she was back to reality.
‘You’re just in time for dinner,’ Stella said. ‘Or have you already eaten?’
‘I did, but much earlier. I’ve room for more.’
Lunch on the terrace in Tuscany had only been a few hours ago, but somehow it seemed like a lifetime.
Violetta brought out a large dish of pasta puttanesca and there was a copious amount of wine. Fern relaxed and listened to the conversation fly between Stella, Chloe and Amber. Chloe showed Fern their Instagram photos as they described the breath-taking beauty of the Amalfi Coast, the dinners they’d had onboard and the party they’d been to in Positano. Fern got the sense that they glossed over some of the details and weren’t telling her the full story. She noticed Amber go red at the mention of Desi, and Luca featured a fair bit whenever Stella was talking.
As the evening wore on, a drunken happiness enveloped them. Fern was content to let them dominate the conversation and they were more than happy to share their time aboard a multi-million-pound yacht. It was beyond anything any of them had ever experienced. Much like Fern’s time in Anacapri and then Tuscany… Her own cheeks reddened from more than just the wine.