An Italian Dream

FERN

Throughout lunch, Fern felt as if she was having an out-of-body experience; she was physically there sitting with friends and family, yet it was all such a blur that it was as if she was looking down on herself. She could barely eat, let alone speak, she was so worried that all her hurt and anger would come spilling out. She didn’t want that, not in front of everyone. She wanted to get Paul on his own.

Once lunch was over, as planned, Amber and Chloe took Ruby off, and Fern left as well to give Stella a chance to talk to Paul. It had been Stella’s idea to talk to him first – she’d practically begged Fern to let her. Why Fern had been okay about giving her the opportunity, she had no idea. Was it that she was grateful Stella would be the one to face him first, or was she just relieved to put off the inevitable for a little longer?

Fern went to her room and waited, certain that Paul would come and find her. Twenty minutes of nervous pacing later and footsteps on the tiled hallway made her heart thump. Ruby flew through the door with Amber on her heels.

‘Mum, are you okay?’

Fern pressed her hand to her chest. ‘I thought you were your dad. I’m fine. Well, I’m not fine, but I will be.’

Ruby threw her arms around her and hugged her tight. ‘Amber and Chloe just told me everything.’ Her voice was muffled in the crook of Fern’s neck.

‘You really didn’t know?’

Ruby pulled away and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her top. ‘No, nothing.’ She glanced at Amber. ‘I still can’t believe you kept it secret all this time.’

‘I think Amber was protecting us both.’ Fern smiled weakly and offered her hand. Amber took it and squeezed it.

‘What are you going to do, Mum?’ Ruby asked.

‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly. ‘But I need to talk to him first. Give him a chance to explain himself. How are you holding up?’

‘I’m not the one who’s been cheated on.’

‘No, but you came out here to have a break and enjoy yourself. It’s not quite what you expected. For any of us.’

She looked at Amber. Her face was drawn and worry pinched her brows. Fern drew them both to her and held them close, for the first time in a long time, she reflected. Probably since they were kids. She breathed deeply and looked between them.

‘Right, it’s no good us all moping about. We have three days left, let’s please try to enjoy ourselves. Ruby, there’s a pool out there with your name on it, and you have to get Violetta to make you a Limoncello Mojito. Go on, Amber, show Ruby around.’

Neither of them looked convinced by her upbeat reassurance, but with faces filled with worry and pity, they kissed her cheek and left.

* * *

Fern stayed in her room for another hour, long enough to realise that Paul had decided to avoid her. She felt strangely calm as she went to look for him. Violetta had made up the bedroom attached to the pool room and that was where she found him. So, he retreated here instead of facing me, she thought.

She stood quietly in the open doorway, her face in shadow while the early-evening sun warmed her back. Paul was unpacking, putting away the couple of pairs of shorts and T-shirts he’d brought with him.

He met her eyes and faltered. He placed the clothes on the bed and walked over to her.

‘I was just coming to find you.’

Bullshit, she thought, but instead said, ‘So, is it true?’

He looked at her and shrugged.

‘About Stella?’ She stepped out of the sun and into the room. ‘About the other woman Amber found you with?’

‘Yes,’ he said bluntly.

Even though it was the truth she’d been dreading, she felt numb. ‘Have there been more?’

His jaw clenched. ‘Yeah.’

Fern shook her head. ‘That’s all you can say? No apology? No explanation? No regret?’

‘Hey.’ He moved closer, his arms outstretched as if to pacify her. ‘I’ve been stupid, but I can stop.’