Bronner and Martens.
When you dance, does it
look like you’re Hula-Hooping
in a wild typhoon?
You’re allergic to
everything—except passive-
aggressive memos.
You have at least four
jobs at any given time,
and you volunteer.
You’ve got 99
problems and 98 of
them are your “bitches.”
A REPRESENTATIVE SAMPLE OF EVERY LESBIAN MOVIE EVER MADE
Lesbian films serve many important functions—visibility, levity, fodder for processing, etc.—but their most important function is to make us feel better about staying alive so well because most lesbian and bisexual characters in contemporary queer films (and television) die horrible deaths. Ha-ha, weird, right? But seriously, congratulations on not dying. You are great at that. Hopefully.
Girl has sexual
awakening with teacher/
roommate/friend. Then dies.
Girl has horrible,
traumatic past, present, and
future. Then she dies.
Girl has sexual
awakening with druggie.
The drug addict dies.
Girl has sexual
awakening. Kills her mom/
lover for “funsies.”
Girl has lesbian
tryst during the Holocaust.
Everybody dies.