The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats!)

improved since I started to

roll my own tampons.”

The lesbro

Wear Livestrong bracelet

and converse solely using

well-known Fight Club quotes.

The straight-looking lesbian

Say literally

anything—she’s thrilled someone

is talking to her.

The LHB (long-haired butch)

Chat her up about

Willie Nelson and/or John

Stamos in Full House.

The too-cool-for-this-bar lesbian

Engage her in a

contest to see who can roll

her eyes the hardest.

The deluded yet hopeful lesbian pursuing only straight girls

“Sexuality

is a spectrum! Let’s defy

taboos with our tongues.”

Your ex-girlfriend

“Snuffles and Meow-Meow

sure do miss you. Why don’t you

come say hi to them?”

Your ex-girlfriend (post second breakup)

Ask her what “closure”

means to her. Then clear schedule

for at least one month.