“Processing” with you
is my favorite kind of
aerobic workout.
To the ex you haven’t seen in a long time but still entertain thoughts of sleeping with
I’d love to get back
in touch. Specifically
with your genitals.
To the ex you’ll soon date again
This time I mean it!
It’s over. We’re through. What are
you doing Thursday?
HOW TO LET A QUEER GIRL DOWN GENTLY
I would invite you
up, but I still share a bed
with my ex-girlfriend.
I must tend to my
succulents, flying squirrel,
and hemp marinade.
I can’t date you, but
here’s how you can degrease your
hair with raw cacao.
Past-life regression
coach says that I’m not ready
to date in this life.
I said I’d perform
long-distance Reiki on my
ex-girlfriend’s sick cat.
HOW TO PISS OFF AN EX INDEFINITELY
It pains me to say
it, but your mother was right