Her Pretend Christmas Date: A Lesbian Christmas Romance

Laney’s fork paused on her plate. She’d ordered the same thing Morgun had, the ultra breakfast, but she’d gone for sausage instead. She set the fork down without a sound. Her hand moved to her napkin, but she just gripped it between her fingers.

“I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it. If that’s what it really was. I could blame it on hunger, since I hadn’t eaten all day. Jason’s announcement delayed dinner while it was all laid out in front of me. That would be enough to make anyone feel crazy things, wouldn’t it?”

Morgun laughed, but then she realized that Laney was kind of serious. She cut it off with a sick sounding gurgle/coughing noise. “Oh. Uh, I don’t know. I’m not one of those people who forgets to eat.”

“I just get busy. I don’t…I’m not…”

“No. Of course not. I just plan regular meals and when I shoot something, I always have a snack because it is true that a person can’t focus and can’t put in long hours without some sort of fuel.”

“When I’m working, I totally forget about everything else. I could have a shoot that goes for hours, then go straight home and get to the editing. Sometimes I start at four or five in the morning and go until four or five at night before I even remember to eat. Or have some water. I’m like a camel, I guess. I just get so focused on the work that nothing else exists.”

“And if it wasn’t hunger?”

“Hmm?”

“The feeling,” Morgun pressed. She knew she shouldn’t, because it wasn’t really her business and this lunch certainly wasn’t a date, or even a meeting between friends, but she just couldn’t leave it alone. She had to know. “What if it wasn’t from hunger?”

“I don’t know.” Laney dropped her eyes down to her plate. “I’m not sure why I felt like that. I should have felt relief, and I guess I did, later when I really thought about the silence that is going to come from my mom now that she has a grandchild on the way. My

brother bought me some time. More time than bringing you to the wedding ever would have. I’m also happy for them. Natasha and Jason are going to be great parents. They’re both so excited, and I’m excited to be an aunt. Despite what you think, I’m promising myself that I’m going to be a good one.”

“I think you could be a good one, if you wanted to.”

“Really?”

“Yes! Why not?”

“I don’t know. I guess everyone doubts they’re going to be a good something or other when a new baby is on the way. It makes you think about what you want to teach someone and what you want them to see and know about you. I guess I thought about that too. I thought about you. About what everyone else sees. Even my parents. Jason and Natasha. I’m not sure that I’ve been the nicest I could be to anyone. For a long time.”

“You could always work on that,” Morgun said, to be polite. She thought it was true, though. Unlike most of the world, she did believe that people could change. Maybe not who they were deep down, but if all they needed was an attitude adjustment, that was different.

“I could. I will.” Laney swallowed thickly. “I don’t know. I have this great career. I have a nice condo. I have a car that’s just about paid off. I have clients booked steadily for the next year and I have no doubt that will continue. I make a killer living. My work is seen all over. It’s everything I could ever have imagined and honestly more than that. I just wanted to do photography. I never cared about getting it seen. I just wanted to be able to make a living doing it. I thought that was all I wanted. To grow this and keep going and keep working. I was totally firm in my conviction too. I wasn’t just doing it to spite my mom or anything. Aside from the whole baby conversation she forces on me regularly, we have a decent enough relationship. I do love her, and I know she loves the heck out of me. So, when Natasha and Jason said they were having a baby, I just…I don’t know. The feeling was weird. It was this strange longing mixed up with the desire to suddenly have that experience. It made no sense, so I just figured it must be jealousy. Of the attention they’ll be getting. Of they’re excitement. Of the experience. That’s fucked up for sure, because I’ve always said, and meant it, that I didn’t want that for myself.”

Morgun didn’t really know what to do with that. Apparently, when Laney opened up, she really opened up. She was probably one of those people you could ask anything, and she’d give you a straight, honest answer if she was in the right frame of mind. Morgun never really knew how to act or what to say to people who could just drop their guard so completely. She never would have thought Laney was one of them until suddenly she was. Morgun knew she’d never be able to sort through her feelings and put it out there so neatly and plainly like that.

Maybe Laney didn’t really need that much practice at being herself or being nice.

“Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.”

Morgun winced. She hated that saying. It was so token. She especially hated when people used it on her.

She just wasn’t right for you. She wasn’t the one. She clearly wasn’t the right person. You just haven’t found her yet. You’ll know when you do.

“Obviously not,” Laney laughed. “I have never had the desire to settle down before. And I’ve certainly never met someone and thought to myself that I’d like to have children with them.” She looked like she wanted to say something more, but then looked away quickly, and for some reason, when Laney picked up her fork and went back to eating, that made Morgun feel all sorts of wild and flustered.

Morgun resumed eating too. Even after she was full, she forced in a couple extra hash browns before she pushed the plate away.

Something had changed. The atmosphere in the little corner café with the tiled floor and soulless tables and chairs was different. The food was amazing, though. Laney was right about that. Morgun could see why she called it a best kept secret. The place didn’t look like much, but what came out of the kitchen wasn’t just a breakfast special. It was a breakfast special and then some. Like pure magic.

Maybe some of that leaped off the plate to glisten in the air between them. Morgun couldn’t say what it was exactly, but something was definitely different. Charged. Electric. She wouldn’t be surprised if she stuck her fork into the space between them and got a jolt.

They finished up their coffees in silence, then Laney surprised Morgun yet again by producing a card from her purse and passing it across the table. “Just in case you need to get a hold of me. In case anyone ever tries to fuck with you here or something. Or if you have any problems with the shoot or editing or questions. I know it’s only casual work, but I also know you want to do it right. I’ve been there. The first few shoots I did for my new position, I was a wreck. A total, freaking, not so hot mess. I don’t want you to have to go through that. So, if you need to, send me a text or an email. I promise I’ll answer.”

Morgun took the card. “Umm, thanks.”

Again, she had the feeling that Laney wanted to say something more, but she didn’t, and Morgun didn’t either.

“Well, good luck. With everything.” Laney’s lips flattened out and she glanced at the register. “You just go up to pay, but don’t worry. I’ve got it.”