know if she can come pick Tildy up because she forgot about
her dance lesson tomorrow morning and it’s early. I tell her
I’m good with her staying or dropping her off early in the
morning. She lets me know that she can’t butcher my Saturday
morning that way.
After that, I wait. Mandy is at my door in twenty
minutes. She buzzes, and that wakes up both Steph and Tildy.
Steph looks around, adorably bewildered, but then she
smiles shyly, slightly embarrassed, like I knew she would be. I
don’t know why some people find knowing another person
boring. I already knew how she’d react and that makes me feel
wonderful. I know this person. This person is special to me
and I already know some of her quirks and expressions. I think
that being with one person for a long time is something
special. Something rare. Something beautiful. I don’t find that
boring at all.
After a very sleepy Tildy is bundled off, still wearing
my t-shirt, her pretty dress and shoes tucked under Mandy’s
arm, Steph approaches me at the doorway. “I can go,” she
says. “It’s pretty late.”
That’s about as clear an out as I’m going to get. She
means it. She’s not trying to pressure me. She’s not trying to
force something to happen that I’m not ready for. God, I might
not be ready, but I want it. I want to kiss her. I thought about it
all Tuesday when we had our date. I wished it would have
ended up with me going back to her place or her coming back
to mine. I couldn’t sleep that night. I ached all week. Desire is
a crazy thing. It can empower or cripple you, or both at the
same time.
“No.” I mean to say that firmly, but it comes out