papers were signed, they’d be filed because that’s what
Coralyn had asked her to do, and their marriage would be no
more. Even still, Coralyn wasn’t obligated to see her. If this
was the last time that she was with her…
No. She needed to make sure it wasn’t the last time.
“Actually, I do know.” She was grasping at words that evaded
her. “That’s the problem, I think. It’s harder to know what you
want than to not know. It’s harder to be kind and to feel things
than it is to shut them out and be numb and turn to ice.” She
allowed herself, just for a second, to be vulnerable and for
Coralyn to see that, before she slammed on her usual mask,
but then she caught herself and changed her mind and
rearranged her features into something softer, more placid. “It
only seems easier to be the other way, not harder, when I’m
with you. You’re pretty much the only time that makes sense.
When I’m with you.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
She wanted to press their mouths together and help Coralyn
understand. Help herself understand. She wanted to paint the
words on her skin, to breathe them against Coralyn’s lips. “I
don’t know, Coralyn. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. Yes,
me. Giana Thompson, the woman who has it all. The woman
who is on top of the world, a man’s world. The powerful,
award-winning blah, blah, blah Giana Thompson.
I felt like I didn’t truly belong anywhere. Not to anyone. I
made it that way, but that was my life too, before I ever
consciously made that decision. My parents didn’t claim me
&nbs
p; after my sister died. My brother left. The friends I had drifted
away. I wasn’t able to get close to anyone after Heather died.