“Remind me to commission her the next time I need something for one of my sets.”
As Cassidy slowly made her way around the room, running her fingertips over the warm blankets I’d left on the sofa, I lit every single one of the candles. As expected, they offered just enough light and the perfect atmosphere for the evening. Once they were in place, I turned off the light and joined her on the sofa.
For a long unnerving moment, neither one of us spoke. My mind was going a mile a minute, hyper-aware of her fingers on my skin and the warmth of her kiss when she touched her lips to the inside of my wrist.
Looking at me from under her lashes, Cassidy smiled, gently kissing up my arm until my sleeves got in the way. But she didn’t stop. Instead, she jumped to the bare skin of my neck, giving extra attention to the sensitive spot behind my ear until finally meeting me in a kiss, one that was far more aggressive than before.
My stomach clenched, my heart pounding in my chest as she lay me on the floor with her arm under my neck. As the room spun around us, I let go. I stopped worrying about the shop, the bills, the lack of customers and Cassidy’s upcoming tour. I stopped worrying about her manager, her cell phone which was still on and probably loud enough for both of us to hear if anyone happened to call.
I pushed all of those things to the back of my mind until all that was left was her. The sweet taste of her lips, the coconut shampoo in her hair, her touch, and the fire building in my stomach.
It was freeing and sad all at the same time. I’d spent most of my life looking for someone like her, and now that she was here, she had to leave. It wasn’t fair. I’d finally found the kind of love they show in the movies, but in the end, there’d be no race to the airport. I wouldn’t chase her down or stop her from going through that terminal.
She’d board the plane and go on tour just like she always planned. As much as I wanted her to stay here with me, I also knew I couldn’t stop her from doing what she loved.
So I forced the worry and fear to the back of my mind and ran my hands through her hair, holding her close and breathing in as much of her as I could. It was her fingers that touched my skin, her lips that kissed mine, and her heart beating against my breast. Cassidy. Just Cassidy.
A lifetime had passed since we entered the tower, and yet when she pulled back to check on me, it felt much too soon.
“Are you okay?” she asked, brushing the hair from in front of my eyes before pressing her forehead to mine.
“Yup,” I managed, wincing when my voice didn’t sound as convincing as I would’ve liked.
She frowned, then lay on her back, taking me with her. As I lay my head on her chest, she spoke, absently stroking my hair as she did. “I think this is the first time I’m not looking forward to going on tour,” she said, resting her hand on the nape of my neck. “I mean, I never fully looked forward to it.
It’s always nerve-wracking until I get out there, you know?
But this time feels different.” She shifted her weight, sitting up so she could look me in the eyes. “This time feels like I’m actually leaving something behind.”
My cheeks burned at her admission, at the fact she’d miss me just as much as I knew I’d miss her. “I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it is,” I said, sitting on the floor beside her.
“I love it once I’m out there, but getting to that point takes a lot of effort on my part and even more when it comes to my manager.”
I couldn’t help noticing the tightness in her voice. “How is he when you’re out there?” I asked. “I mean, is he as aggressive as he is now?”
“He gets impatient,” she said with a half-smile. “Then again, we all do. When the bus starts to feel too crowded, I like to get out and take a walk. Of course, that means he isn’t far behind me, which only adds to the stress instead of removing some of it like I’d hoped.”
“And you can’t find a new one? A manager, I mean.”
She released a long breath and shook her head. “I’ve considered it, but he’s been with me since the beginning.”
“You don’t owe him anything,” I told her, taking her hand in mine. “If a manager makes you this uncomfortable that you have to hide away in a bookshop, he isn’t right for you.” It’s something I’d said before. “Maybe in the beginning, but I’m sure there are others out there who would love to have you.”
“But he knows me.”
“And he ends up being the topic of most of our conversations aside from your mom or books,” I added. “I’m just saying, if it doesn’t feel fun anymore, then maybe there’s something you need to change.”
“And what about the shop?” she bit back, looking away from me as soon as she did. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“The shop is…” I waved my hand in front of me, searching for the right words. “Difficult. Bridget keeps telling me to upgrade and add these ereader stations or whatever they’re called, but that isn’t what my father had in mind.”
“He also came before the new wave of technology, so how can you know he’d keep it this way?” Cassidy dipped her head, gently pressing her forehead to mine.
I didn’t. “I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right.”
“So while I’m remaining loyal to a manager who has his moments, you’re holding on to an idea that’s no longer your own.”
I opened my mouth to say something but thought better of it. She had a point. As much as I hated to admit it, holding on to an idea from the past wasn’t doing me any favors, but the thought of moving forward didn’t make me feel any better.