Relapse

“So today, I caught a perp who decided it’d be fun to steal benches from the public park and try to sell them.”

I’m slightly caught off guard as he dives into the story. His posture is relaxed as he leans against the fridge, a slight smile of amusement on his face. “The kicker is he was selling them for five dollars a bench, not even two blocks over from the park.”

His smile widens and I can’t help but laugh. “Really, what did he say when you caught him?” I question, moving a step forward and leaning on the table, looking across at him.

He shakes his head, “The same thing they all say: it wasn’t him.”

“Even though he was literally caught with it?” I ask.

“Yep,” he pops the last syllable. “The benches were returned and he’s now sitting in a cell still claiming that we have the wrong guy. He’ll probably do a couple of months in the slammer, if that, before being released.”

“Is that how most of your days go? TV makes it look like there’s always some big chase going on or a huge drug bust.”

He lets out a laugh. “In this town? Hell no, we may have a huge drug bust every couple of months but considering that weed is legal here, that puts a damper on things.”

His words make me think of Emmet, but I quickly push the thought from my mind. “I’ve got to say I’m one of the people thankful weed is legal here… or was thankful,” I correct, shaking my head slightly. “I don’t smoke anymore.” A couple of days clean.

I nearly laugh at the pitiful thought.

“Yea, I had my fair share of pot back in my college days, but stopped before I decided to join the force.”

“What did you major in?” I ask. “Criminal justice?”

“You’d think,” he says with a soft smile, “but I actually majored in psychology, as cliché as that sounds, I think everyone is a psychology major these days.”

Great, another person who can psychoanalyze me.

“It’s a nice degree to have in your back pocket,” I remark, “I was an art major before I left.” I find myself relaxing and most of the anxiety is gone. As I look over at the relaxed posture of Chase, I start to realize he did it on purpose. Made me forget about what was actually troubling me by telling me a story of his own.

I pause as we continue to watch each other.

With a deep breath, I finally decide that telling him what happened today won’t hurt. “My sister died.” He straightens at that. “It’s been a couple of weeks, actually over a month now,” I quickly add on. “Tanner and Lilly are her kids, and I was left custody.” His face doesn’t change in the slightest at this information and I find myself continuing on. “I thought that I was over her death, you know. But today when we got home, Tanner had a break down and told me he misses his parents and the next thing I know I was crying too. That’s what you walked in on.”

He continues to watch me as I bring my forgotten sucker to my mouth and look away from him.

“Grief affects everyone differently, sometimes it’s an onslaught that happens instantly, other times, it builds slowly, it sounds like that’s what happened with you. It’s only normal.”

I look back at him. “No, I’m supposed to be stronger than that, for the kids,” I tell him. “How is Tanner going to handle it when I can’t even pull my own emotions together?”

“I don’t have any kids but I did grow up with a lot of younger siblings. From what I learned watching my mother and the way she interacted with us, she was strong when she could be but when she couldn’t be, she didn’t have any shame in it, that’s when she’d let others pick up her slack, my father, our uncles, even our tía or abuelas.”

I shake my head. “There’s no one to pick up the slack, there’s just me. My grandma is supportive but she’s a couple of states away and so is my father, my mother...” There are no words to describe the woman so I don’t try.

He rounds the island and comes over to stand in front of me. His body heat warms my body but he doesn’t actually touch me as he looks down at me. “I know you barely know us, but just remember that when you need help, you have three neighbors next door who are always willing to help.”

My heart rate picks up and my cheeks heat. I try to find words but none will come so in the end I only nod.