Relapse

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

“What’s new in your life?” Patricia asks as she looks over at me.

I purse my lips. “I’ve finally decided to take a risk with my neighbors,” I confess.

She nods. “Which one?”

“All of them?”

Her gaze snaps up to mine at that and for once I’ve left my therapist completely speechless. “I see.”

I’m not quite sure she does, but I choose not to question her.

“Polyamory may not be as popular as it used to be, but I think it is starting to come back around as people realize they can accept multiple loves into their lives without it diminishing the relationship of one.”

I shake my head. “Nobody said anything about love.”

The corner of her lip kicks up slightly. “I didn’t mean it literally, Ivy.”

“And we’re not using labels.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly okay, but can I ask why not?” she questions, watching me closely.

I shrug. “I don’t feel we need them, I mean, I’m a grown woman, I don’t have to call someone my boyfriend just as a sign of commitment.”

“And how committed are you to these men?”

I roll my lip between my teeth. “I like them and they take care of me in a way that makes me feel like the only girl in the world.” I pause. “But I guess that’s not what you asked… I’m very committed to them and our relationship. I don’t want anyone else and I really want to make this work.”

She nods. “Tell me more.”

The words spill out of me. “Things are different than any other relationship I’ve been in with them. I don’t feel the constant anxiety that I’m going to walk in my house and find one of them dealing drugs. They’re always calling and checking on me and the kids, they take care of us. Speaking of the kids, I sometimes feel they love them almost as much as I do.”

Patricia smiles at that. “That’s good, Ivy, and the fact that you’re opening up and sharing the kids with them, lets me know that you’re serious about this.”

“Well, they already knew the kids anyway, so…” I shrug.

“Don’t try to diminish this big step that you’ve taken. You’re making progress and I’m so proud of you.”

I nod as I fiddle with my fingers. I can’t deny the warmth that goes through my chest any time the woman tells me she’s proud of me. Patricia started as my therapist when I was court ordered to see her, after I’d smashed an ex boyfriends window. In my defense he’d destroyed one of my paintings first, but the judge made it clear that I could either spend a couple of weeks in jail or begin therapy for my anger. I’d had therapists before, so I figured I’d go to the sessions and pretend to be reformed. It’d only taken Patricia two appointments to get through to me in a way that others couldn’t. So after the court appointments were up I continued to see her.

“I had a breakdown the other day,” I admit to her.

“What was the breakdown over?” she asks, sitting up straighter on her seat.

“Tanner got suspended from school for fighting and he blew up at me about not being his mom.”

“That’s not good.”

“I know, I’m going to bring him in to see you, because I’m starting to worry about him. I know you told me to a while ago and it’s my fault for not doing it.” I shake my head, sighing. “I think we came to a bit of an agreement the other day, but I should have stuck him in some type of counselling or therapy from the beginning. He’s grieving the loss of two parents after all.”

She nods. “Yes, and typically when kids start to act out it’s because of something deeper.”

“Well, he was suspended for hitting a kid who told him I was a hooker, brought up his dead parents and told him he was from a broken home.”

Patricia shakes her head at that. “I’m afraid playgrounds have become the worst place for kids.”

“It was actually in the pencil sharpener line, but I see your point.”