CHAPTER THIRTY
Me: Is this supposed to be a casual thing? Because I don’t own any formal clothes.
I shoot the text off to Nathan and recline on the couch. A part of me still feels a little wobbly about the planning situation, but Jamille is right: it’s time to set boundaries.
Everything with the guys and I was going slow until it suddenly picked up and things have been full speed ahead in every aspect. And it’s new for me. I’ve never had a relationship where I had to think of how it affects the lives of others, of Lilly and Tanner. I’ve also never had a relationship where I felt as deep of a connection as I do with the guys.
So where do I start drawing the line?
I’ve been fine with letting the guys spend more time with the kids. Maybe others would think letting them spend time alone with them is a little fast, but it hasn’t felt that way to me. It’s been months of knowing them and I was originally skeptical about letting them take one of the kids across the room despite me being in it with them, but things are starting to feel a lot more natural. I don’t feel fear when I see one of them leaving with the kids and the pressure in my chest doesn’t appear. I don’t think any of them would do anything to hurt either of the kids and besides Chase picking Lilly up from daycare that one time, neither kid has been alone with them without the other. Tanner is old enough to be able to describe the environment he’s been in without my absence and I know he’ll protect his sister.
But he’s still a child…
I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
My phone buzzes from beside me.
Nathan: Definitely casual.
I smile at that before going to my contacts and hitting the one name that I know will be able to help me.
“Hello?” Grandma’s voice comes across the line and I instantly feel a lot more relaxed.
“Hey Grandma.”
“Hey, baby, is everything okay?”
I sigh. “Yes ma’am… I just need your help.”
“What’s troubling you?”
I relax into the couch as I try to decide how to explain. “I need to set boundaries with the guys.” She knows that we’re dating, I’d told her while she was still here after we decided at dinner. She would have bugged me endlessly otherwise. “I like having them in my life and the kid’s life, but I’m not sure where I draw the line. I’ve let the kids go with them to the park without me and Chase has picked Lilly up from daycare before, and I’m fine with that, but do you think it’s too fast?”
“Hmmm.” There’s the sound of something shuffling in the background before a door slams closed. “Well, baby, I can’t tell you what’s wrong or right, because at the end of the day their your kids now and ultimately decisions come down to what you want, but let me see if I can give you a little advice to guide you.”
There’s silence for a moment and I know she’s weighing her words carefully and I respect it because it proves she’s taking this just as serious as I am. “How do the men make you feel?”
“Happy.” That’s a simple enough question.
“And the kids, how do they feel with the guys.”
“The same way, they love them.”
“Mhmm, and how do you know that? Have you asked Tanner directly?” she questions.
I pause. “No, but he’s always happy to see the guys and he’s always asking about them and talking to them.”
“Sure, but, you should ask him directly. Ask him if the times they’ve had him without you there if he felt safe and treated right. Ask him how he felt Lilly was treated too, because he’s a big brother and I can promise you that he’s very aware of everything that goes on with his little sister.”
I know she’s right, Tanner’s extremely protective of Lilly, even when he’s whining about her playing with his toys. “Okay.”
“Now, have you talked to the guys directly about how they feel with the kids on their own? Maybe one of them is nervous or feels a little overwhelmed but doesn’t want to say that to you. But you don’t want there to be any type of accident because someone didn’t speak up about being a little overwhelmed. Okay?”
I hadn’t thought of that. “Okay.”
“So it all comes down to communication, that means you, the kids, and the guys. You have to pay attention to how everyone is feeling. The guys all gave me good vibes when I met them, but none of them are used to raising and taking care of children.”
“You’re right.” I sigh softly. “Okay, I’ll speak with them and Tanner. Thanks, Grandma.”