Chapter 24
I was woken up by a loud banging at the front door. My alarm clock showed it was now ten a.m., which is later than I usually slept. I rubbed my eyes and wiped the drool that rested on my cheek. I took a quick glance in the mirror and saw I was still wearing Grant’s shirt and leggings from last night, my hair looked like a bird’s nest, and mascara was rubbed on the corner of my eyes. I groaned—wishing I had time to piece myself together before answering the door.
The clamorous banging got louder, and I was sure my neighbors hated me even more now. After Grant had “talked” to them, they avoided me like the plague. I tried to make eye contact or say hi to them in the hall, and they would immediately begin looking in their backpacks for nothing.
I opened my front door to see Grant standing there. He looked a mess. A hot mess, I should say. His shirt was all tousled, and he still had on his gray sweatpants from last night and random distressed tennis shoes I didn’t recognize. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his five o’clock shadow was shining through. Even messy, he looked so good.
I took a glance down both sides of the hall outside my door and whisper-yelled, “Are you trying to get me kicked out of here?” He didn’t answer, just pushed himself into my living room.
“You didn’t answer your phone. I texted you hours ago.” His voice was snappy, but it was lined with concern. I had forgotten my phone was on airplane mode and didn’t get the chance to check my notifications before I went to sleep.
“Oh. I didn’t know.” I reached for my phone and turned it back to its normal settings to watch it blow up with texts and calls from several people, but at the very bottom were Grant’s texts.
Cranky Contractor: Are you okay?
Cranky Contractor: Please don’t leave like this.
Cranky Contractor: At least tell me you made it home.
“I just came home to get some sleep, and I didn’t check it, sorry. But clearly, I am fine.” My tone was clipped and short. I felt a little guilty for being so irritated with him. However, if either of us got to question the other, it should be me.
He could sense my attitude and eased up on me. “I just want to make sure you’re not…I don’t know, Hart. I mean, are we okay?” He looked distraught. He ran a hand through his messy hair. It might be wrong, but I was comforted by him being as much of a mess as I was.
“When were you going to tell me?” I could have asked that better, but I had lost my patience. His eyes were wide, and he had stiffened his position.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He was shutting down. I could feel it, his shoulders were pulled back tight, and his speech was dry.
“You’re lying. Is what happened to her the reason why you’re like this with me?” He shook his head.
“June, that doesn’t matter. I’m just like this. It has nothing to do with her.” Grant’s voice was harsh and snappy, and as much as I could back down from this fight and continue through life as if I never knew about Emma, I refused to be told to back down anymore. I had taken it from everyone around me, but I would not take it from the one person I care for the most.
I raised my voice. “I realize you’ve had a lot happen in your life, and you would like to just put on this asshole mask and go through your day pretending to be a jerk, so no one approaches you. But that is too damn bad. I will not let you sit here and deny us both of the love we deserve just so you can avoid tragic things happening to either of us.”
He looked right through me. I approached him, placing my hand on his forearm to provide some comfort, but he refused to look me in the eye.
Softening my voice, I said, “Grant.” My voice was shaky. I had never seen Grant so shut down, and my heartfelt like it was sinking by the minute. I took my hand and placed it on his right cheek. “Please just look at me.” His eyes finally came down to mine, and a tear rolled down my cheek.
Both of his hands held my face, and he wiped the tears running down my chin. I leaned my head into his embrace, his skin felt warm, and I nuzzled into him more. I wanted to be there for him—I wanted to help him through his painful scars, but I was never even given a chance.
How am I supposed to fix something that I don’t even know is broken?
“Can you please just talk to me? I don’t think I can handle being in this gray area with you anymore.” He stayed silent but, after a minute, nodded his head.
We settled in on the couch. We both held each other up as if we couldn’t keep ourselves together on our own. I placed my head on his chest and heard his fast heartbeat through the thin material of his shirt.
“You don’t have to tell me everything. I just need to understand what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t know where to start. It’s been a long time since I have talked about this, and I….” He trails off with a deep, shaky breath. I placed my hand on his, stroking his long fingers.
“I mentioned the guy who hired me when I was a kid. I worked with him for almost ten years.” I nodded. “He had a daughter…Emma. She and I became good friends, and we inevitably ended up together. We were both so young and clueless. She was a really great friend, and I just was this idiot dropout. She was too kind to me, and I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve….” Grant’s voice cracked, and his head pointed down in his lap, hair covering his eyes.
“We were both so dumb, and she was just the person I could always go to, and when she was twenty-five, we found out she was pregnant. We were nervous, but I was excited. I was just a dumb kid. I barely had any money; I relied on my sister for a place to live. I had even bought baby clothes.” I placed my hand in his hair, trying my best to provide comfort, but I was ugly crying, and my sniffling noises had to be distracting. He cleared his throat.
“She, um. She was only three months along and, um.” He choked up, and I could hardly take it, maybe this was a bad idea. I was pushing Grant to talk about something he clearly wasn’t ready for, and I had to sit here and watch his heartbreak in return.
“Grant, you don’t have to finish.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s okay. When she was about three months along, we got into a bad argument. She said she wanted to move here to be closer to her family; I said we should stay put. She was so mad at me and left in such a hurry. I waited for her for hours. I texted and called her so much and never got an answer. I figured she was so mad she went to her parent’s house, so I drove there. When they said they hadn’t seen her, we drove everywhere. It was around midnight when someone found her car in a ditch. When she was driving she was so upset and was crying her eyes out. She turned too sharp, and her car flipped in there. She was stuck where no one could see her unless you were really close. The paramedics tried their best, but they said she had been there for hours….” His voice was so broken up, and my tears were dripping on my leg.