Every Saturday Night (Firsts and Forever 6)

I made us some drinks in the kitchen, and then we went out the back door and got comfortable at the patio table. The yard was all aglow with strands of tiny white lights, which had been hung up for the wedding the following weekend. “This place is amazing,” Hal said. “Not only is the house super cute, but all of your housemates are incredibly nice. And I can’t believe I finally met your brother Lark, after all these years!”

That was bittersweet. It really showed how Lark and I had drifted apart after he got kicked out. I felt like I’d known Hal forever, but by the time we met at fourteen, my brother had already been gone for two years.

I took a sip of iced tea before saying, “Coming here was the best choice I could have made. They all welcomed Owen and me right from the start, and I feel more comfortable and at home here than I ever did at my parents’ house. Plus, getting to know my brother after all that time apart has been the most amazing gift.”

“I’m both happy and relieved,” he said. “I’ve been worried about you, Lo. But it turns out you’re both literally and figuratively in a really good place.”

“I am. I’ve been very lucky.”

“And speaking of Lucky…”

A huge smile spread across his face, and I chuckled and said, “Yeah, he’s been pretty great, too.”

“How wild that you ended up dating the guy we used to ogle every morning! I told you he wasn’t out of your league, by the way.”

“Oh, he is. For real. In fact, he’s so beautiful that I’m just in this perpetual state of awe. But he’s so nice too, and sweet, and down-to-earth. I honestly have no idea how a man that gorgeous managed to avoid developing a huge ego.”

Hal met my gaze. “So, question. Now that you two have been dating for several weeks, why are we not calling him your boyfriend?”

“Because he isn’t. We’re just keeping this casual.”

“Yeah, right! You’re crazy about this man, and you and I both know it. From everything I’ve heard, it sure sounds like he’s crazy about you, too. There’s nothing casual about it.”

“It is, though,” I insisted. “It can’t be anything else, because he’s leaving in just over a month. I told you that.”

“I know what you told me, but that doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. If he’s taking over the family business, why can’t he just go ahead and relocate it to San Francisco?”

“Because the company employs a bunch of people. I don’t know how many exactly, but what do you think they’d do, uproot their families and move across the country? That hardly seems fair.”

Hal knit his brows and muttered, “I didn’t think of that.” He took a sip of his drink, and after a pause he said, “Tell me this. If he wasn’t moving away, would you want to keep dating him?”

“God, yes. But he is moving, so I’ve been trying my damnedest not to get too attached to him. That’s part of the reason I only see him one day a week, and—”

“You failed, Lo,” he said matter-of-factly. “I’m sorry, but you have. I see the way your face lights up when you talk about him, and I can tell he really matters to you. But you’re doing that thing you always do—you’re trying to talk yourself out of something you really want, because you don’t think you can actually have it.”

I frowned and asked, “When have I ever done that?”

“You did it with UCLA at first. You didn’t even want to apply, because you were sure you’d never get in. And you’ve done it with every job you’ve ever wanted, like that cool internship at the start-up in Studio City, remember that? You were totally qualified, but you didn’t even try for it because you’ve always been afraid to go after what you really want.

“Don’t you see? You keep listening to your parents’ voice in your head, the one telling you you’re not good enough. It makes you think there’s no point in trying, because you’re just going to fail. You’re doing it again with this amazing guy, because deep down, you think you don’t deserve him. But that voice is lying. You deserve good things, Logan, and you deserve to be happy.”

“Okay, you might possibly have a point,” I conceded. “But what am I supposed to do in this case? He’s leaving, and that’s just the way it is. He made a promise to his dad, and he’s not going to back out of it.”

“So, maybe you can do the long distance relationship thing.”

“Do those ever actually work?”

Hal shrugged. “I don’t know. But what’s the alternative, just watching him move away and never seeing him again? And no, I’m not suggesting you pack up and follow him to Miami, by the way. I know you’re all about providing stability for that little baby of yours, and I also know you found exactly what you’ve always wanted and needed here in this house—a supportive family. But still, there has to be some way to keep this thing with Lucky going.”

“I’d be willing to do the long distance thing, but it’d end up being incredibly lopsided. He’d always have to be the one to fly in for visits. Between money and the baby, I just couldn’t.”

“But maybe that’d be okay with him,” he said. “Tell me you’re at least going to talk to him about it.”

“I will for sure. I just haven’t yet because…I don’t know. I guess we’ve been drifting along in blissful denial or something. But believe me, I’m not just going to wave goodbye and forget about him when he moves away next month. I can’t. He means way too much to me.”

“I’m glad I get to meet him tomorrow,” Hal said. “I’ll admit though, I was surprised when you told me you’d invited him to your son’s party. You seemed pretty determined to keep your life compartmentalized.”

“There were reasons for that. I liked the fact that my time with Lucky was ours alone, and going to spend time with him felt like a mini vacation from real life.