Ari
“Hey,youlisteningto me?”
Howard’s shoulder bumping into mine brought me out of my head as I glanced around the mall, trying to spot a familiar face. Getting out of the house when Shaw hadn’t called me yet to tell me it was done had been a stupid idea. After watching a movie together and chatting, Howard suggested we go out for lunch, and after much back-and-forth, with him accusing Shaw of keeping me a prisoner in our home, I’d given in. Just for lunch.
“Sorry, I must have spaced out.”
“What’s going on with you?” Howard threw an onion ring into his mouth. “You’re crazy distracted today. Is it me? Did I do something? I feel like we’re sneaking around or something.”
“No, not that. Shaw knows we’re spending the day together. He didn’t have a problem with it as long as I didn’t do any Daddy activity with you.”
He frowned. “He gets to make that decision for you?”
“Well, he’s my Daddy, but we both make the rules.”
“And you’re okay with that? Not playing with anyone else?”
“I don’t want to play with anyone else anyway. See, it's been a long time since I’ve wanted Shaw to be my Daddy. Since he was married to my mom.”
Howard fell quiet, the chewing stopped, and he stared at me. I held my breath and dug my fingernails into the palms of my hands. Stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything to him. People who didn’t know my history with Shaw would think I was weird for coveting my mother’s husband. This was the part where Howard would realize how messed up I was, then leave me. And I would have lost another friend.
I had never been able to keep them for long. Showing them who I really was always ended up with me being left alone. I should be used to it by now, but if Howard did the same, I would be extremely disappointed.
He burst out laughing so hard the people next to us swiveled their heads our way. Why was he laughing? Was it the shock of what I’d just said?
“Dude.” Howard wiped at his eyes. “The first night I saw you, I knew you were nothing but trouble. But your mom? Let me guess. Family get-togethers must be fun with you guys.”
“You’re not horrified?”
“Somehow I don’t think that’s the most horrifying thing you’ve done.” He slurped at his drink. “So this Shaw guy must be pretty special to land someone who looks like you. You’re like, really hot, which I’m sure you already know. And he’s not exactly who I would have pictured you with.”
“Shaw’s always been great to me.” I smiled as memories formed. “I know I was too young for him, although at the time, I didn’t want to admit it. But he won me this stuffed animal at a carnival. A stranger and he just walked up to me and said to let him try. To be fair, I think I was starved for any form of affection, so the moment he did that for me, I wanted him permanently in my life.”
“I can’t imagine you starving for attention. I mean, lots of guys out there who would want to spoil you.”
“It’s easy being with someone as beautiful as me, but it’s difficult accepting all my flaws. Shaw does. He knows every single bad thing — well, most of them anyway — I’ve done, and he still looks at me like I’m the sweetest boy ever. He makes me want to be good, Howard.”
My face heated up, and I ducked my head.
“You know what’s crazy?” Howard asked. “I look into your eyes and I see all this experience, but I see so much vulnerability too. I guess that’s why I helped you that day I almost hit you with my car. I had this weird feeling like I had to protect you or something.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his face a bright cherry red, and he couldn’t meet my eyes.
He couldn’t hide his feelings, and normally I would have toyed with him and taken advantage of him, but I’d done enough of that when he let me crash at his place.
“You know we can only be friends.” I wiped my hands on the napkin. “But in a world where there was no Shaw, you would have been perfect.”
He laughed uneasily. “Wouldn’t want to put all this awesomeness between you two. We’re friends, and I’m good with that. I think you need a friend more anyway.”
“I do. I value this friendship, Howard. Very much.”
I smiled at him. We got to our feet, cleared the table, and dumped the containers and cups into the trash can. He wanted to buy a pair of jeans. I hesitated, but he promised me we would go straight home after. We shook on it, which made me grin.
Life was great. I had my forever Daddy. Now I had an awesome friend too. And despite the fact that he was attracted to me, I knew he would never act on it. If he did, we couldn’t be friends anymore, so I was glad he was a decent guy. Someone I could hang out with and not worry they would want anything more than being friends.
I ended up buying two pairs of jeans too. They were on sale. What else could I have done? After we cashed out, we jumped into his cab and drove back to our house.
“Don’t you lose lots of money when you’re with me instead of working?” I asked as we got out of the car.