“Well, technically, he didn’t ask me out. He offered sex on the table, and I turned him down.”
“He’s not your type?”
“Come on, man. Can you see me with another man?”
“Why not? You’re the least homophobic guy I know, so that’s not stopping you.”
“I’ve never been with another man, Barney. Are you even listening to yourself?”
He shrugged. “So what? I never thought I was interested in guys until Carlos came along. I think it’s easy sometimes to overlook the obvious when you’re bisexual. Like if it doesn’t hit you in the face, you don’t even contemplate it, when, if you pay attention, you’ve been checking out the same sex all your life.”
“Is that what happened to you? One night you go to bed straight, and the next morning, you wake up with urges for other men?”
He laughed. “You have to make everything so serious. I can’t pinpoint the time it started exactly. I went out one night, met Carlos, and he flirted. He was cute and hot too. Took him home with me. I was a little bored and just wanted something new. I had sex with him and loved it. It was like my eyes opened and it didn’t matter that he was a man. Other men started looking attractive too. I guess you can say I’ve always appreciated a good-looking man, but after Carlos, I didn’t just ignore it anymore. I started paying attention to what my body was saying. If we did that more often, I think we would figure shit out sooner.” He turned his head to me. “But society is beating over our head so loudly that we have to be one or the other that we dismiss other possibilities. You felt no attraction whatsoever toward him?”
My tie seemed to strangle me all of a sudden, and I shoved a finger in the collar to loosen it. “A bit.”
“Could you see yourself in bed with him?”
“Maybe. The idea of topping didn’t repulse me, but if I did bed a man, I would be more interested in someone who doesn’t look exactly like me, you know?”
“What’d you mean?”
Cosmo’s gentle features swam before my eyes. “I’d like someone who’s not as bulked up as me. Someone more…”
“You’d like a twink.”
“A what?”
“A twink? A smaller, younger guy who appears effeminate. Is that what you’re into?”
“Maybe, I don’t know. Just… forget it. I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Especially when said twink I had a hankering for was behind bars, and even if his lawyer got him out on bail, I couldn’t touch him. I could never touch him.
I was deep in thought when I parked the car. Before I could open my door, Barney’s hand landed on my shoulder.
“Hunt.”
“Yeah?”
“If you ever want to figure stuff out, I don’t mind helping. I’m hardly a twink, but I don’t just top, if you know what I mean. What’s a friend for if he can’t help you through this?”
I was at a loss for words. The slam of a door yanked me out of my daze. Barney was walking into the police station as if he hadn’t just rocked my world.
Sweet Jesus, what the hell was going on? Where was all this interest coming from suddenly? First Cosmo, then Knight, and now Barney, offering to bottom for me? I checked myself in the rearview mirror. I could pass in the looks department, although no one would call me drop-dead gorgeous. My eyes were too serious, and I should probably dye my hair like Barney did to get rid of the gray. But what about me said I was available?
I got out of the car and marched after Barney, but he seemed to have disappeared. I stepped into my office and stopped short.
“What are you doing here?”
Knight rose to his feet and thrust his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
“You’ve been rejecting my calls.”
“I didn’t think we had anything else to say to each other after last time.”
He rocked back on his heels, and my eyes dropped to the way his pants clung to his thick thighs. He’d offered himself up to be fucked. What would holding down a man like Knight be like? He seemed built for a hard pounding.