The two FBI cars were still parked across the street. I drove into the garage. Once the door was closed, I sighed and rested my head on the steering wheel. What a tumultuous night this had been, and no one else would know except for us.
I lifted Cosmo in my arms. He startled awake and squirmed and slapped my chest. “Nonono.”
“Shh, baby, we’re home.”
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Daddy’s here.”
He leaned into me, so trusting, even after I’d just buried him alive. I wasn’t the only one suffering from this crazy thing called love. He was just as out of his depth, trying to make sense of loving someone so much we stayed when we should have run.
“Cosmo, don’t go to sleep, baby.” I tracked mud on the carpet, but I didn’t care. I’d tried to keep this home spick and span, clean and organized the way Petra always had it. My relationship with Cosmo was nothing like what I’d had with my wife, and the dirt I brought in reminded me of that.
“I’m awake,” he murmured.
“Good. We need to take a shower, and I need to check that I didn’t bruise you too badly.”
In the bathroom, I stripped off his dirty, torn T-shirt. He had scrapes all over his body, but they looked superficial.
“Sit. Let me look at those.”
I set him on the vanity and cleaned all the bruises. He seemed fine. He let me work in silence. Did he hate me for the way I’d forced myself onto him in the grave? It wasn’t the first time we’d had rough sex, but he could always give his safeword or sign. This time, I’d given him no option.
“Let’s get the dirt all washed off. Then we can soak in a warm bath.”
Cosmo nodded. I stripped off my clothes. I carried him over to the shower, adjusted the temperature of the water, and turned the spray on both of us. After scrubbing him, I washed his hair, then did the same to me. When we were clean, I filled the tub and settled on one end with him in my arms.
“Relaxed?” I asked.
He nodded and leaned back against me. I stroked his arms and kissed his head. How could I ask him my burning question when I wasn’t prepared for just any answer?
“I’m sorry I lost my mind there for a while,” I said. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He rubbed his cheek on my chest like a needy kitten. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“I feel I have plenty.”
“And I don’t?” He placed a hand on my knee below the water. “I don’t think we ever need to apologize to each other. We know what we’re both capable of, yet we choose to keep loving and fighting. But then we love some more, and it feels better.”
“I don’t want to hurt you like that ever again.”
“I forgive you.”
Thank god he didn’t ask me to forgive him for killing Petra. I didn’t know if I could, and loving him the way I did didn’t mean I’d forgotten and forgiven. It meant I was human, and he was my biggest flaw.
“Hunter, I’m ready to tell you everything.”
I inhaled deeply and let out the breath slowly. What I already knew was so horrifying. What if the rest was equally disturbing?
“I promise you already know the worst.”
“Would you have ever told me?” I asked.
He shook his head. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I swear.”
“Why’d you do it? When you saw her, how did you look at her and figure out you wanted to take her life?”
“I didn’t grow up feeling anything for people, Hunter,” he said. “You probably expect me to give you a good reason for what I did, but I have none. I followed Virgil that day, and when I realized what he was doing, I asked to be the one to do it. He said no at first, but… I could always get him to do things for me. She was nothing but a target placed before me that day. Just like the ones Virgil placed before me during training. When my finger was on that trigger, I had only one thing in mind. A clean shot to the head.”