And the fact that people are staring makes me feel even more insecure.
Great—now everybody got to see my meltdown in public. Fucking phenomenal.
When Alex reaches for me, I shake her off and stalk in the direction of the boathouse, hoping to find some fucking peace and quiet.
Because it sure as fuck isn’t happening out here.
***
Crickets chirp near the back exit of the boathouse. A cigarette rests between my fingers, the trail of smoke swirling jaggedly through the frigid air as I sip a beer. It’s the only one I’ve had for the past hour, having been too nauseous to consume more. But I still need something to take the edge off without totally zonking my brain.
Who cares? I think while staring into the abysmal darkness ahead of me. Alex isn’t letting go of Parker—and now she’s taking Lev with her too. I’m a fucking rotten piece of meat in her eyes.
The soft, rhythmic swishing sound of footsteps through the grass echoes from my right and captures my attention. Alex comes into view from behind the edge of the building with her arms folded over her chest and her features shrouded with anger. Seems like she’s come to give me a piece of her mind.
I stand, wobbling on my feet for a second before steadying myself.
“What the fuck was that?” she asks while gesturing to the boathouse. “You just blew your fucking lid in front of everybody.”
“Whatever.”
She shakes her head. “No, we’re going to talk about this. We’re going to talk about the fact that I’m not using you and that I haven’t used any drugs in months. Or did you forget the promise I made to you?”
Hot friction courses through my veins as I turn to the dry riverbed in front of me. Weeds sprout from the soil, stiff and dry from the cold. Trees line the other side of the riverbed with bare branches jutting into the dark sky. The moon hangs heavy over the horizon, the bright and round disc illuminating everything around us. It’s the only reason I can see how pissed off Alex is right this second.
And despite how upset I am, I can’t help how attracted I am to her passion.
She extends her hand, inspiring me to step just out of her reach. I don’t want to be close to her right now. Space is all I want—as much of it as possible.
“You won’t drop Parker,” I accuse. “It hurts me that you won’t even consider it.”
“Tommy, is that what this is about?”
I close my eyes, savoring the way my nickname sounds on her lips. Fuck me, it’s all I have right now. Her sweetness, her passion, her electric fury—it’s everything to me. She’s quickly becoming everything to me.
And I don’t know if I can stop it.
“Yeah,” I admit. “You just let him take you.”
“Did I really have a choice?”
I sigh. “No, I guess not.”
She takes the bottle from my fingers and tosses it far away from us. I don’t fight her. I want her to comfort me. My thoughts from earlier return, an ocean of desires all coalescing into a lustful glance.
“He would never be my first choice,” she explains, “and yet I can’t fight it, okay? This is what I have to work with.”
The comment stings even though she’s right. I’m not living up to my potential in this town. The other guys have plans, and what do I have? A room full of drugs and some half-cooked dreams. I’ve let those guys walk all over me and snatch Alex right out from under my nose.
“Hey, look at me,” she whispers while touching my hand.
I can’t help it. I do what she asks.
Her eyes glow with moonlight as she tells me, “I have feelings for you, but this isn’t the life I want, Tommy.”
My heart quivers. “You have feelings for me?”
“I do. I care about you. And I care about Addie.”