When he holds up his hands, I back away to the door, not turning around until I feel like I’m safe. I hop into the driver’s seat, glancing briefly at Alex, who holds my mother to her side. She’s wavering between us with drool trickling out of her mouth and enough track marks on her arms to be misinterpreted as spots.
She’ll be all right when I get her home. She has to be all right.
***
I park in front of the fountain at the Moretti mansion, feeling empty without my mother by my side. I haven’t felt like that since I was a little boy who lost his mom in the goddamn supermarket. But now it’s a weird ache not to be near her, an alarming void that makes me want to rush home.
“Cynthia is great,” Alex whispers. “She’ll take care of your mother.”
“Thanks.”
She nods. “I’m…” She fades for a second, nipping her lower lip. “I’m impressed by what you did today, Tommy.”
“What do you mean?”
“Doing that whole act in front of that guy…just for your mother to be safe. It’s a weird favor to do, but I’m really glad you asked me.”
I look into her eyes for what feels like the first time in ages and say, “You realize I love you?”
“What?”
“I love you, Alex, but I know I’ll never have you.”
The tip of her nose reddens as she croaks, “Why?”
“I hate my life as much as Lev did,” I reply while tracing the gear shift. “But I have no intention of dying like him. You’re part of the problem.” I pause for a second, fighting the urge to take back what I said. “At least that’s how I see it.”
“Is this about me marrying Parker?”
I chortle. “How could you ask such a stupid question?”
“Love has nothing to do with the marriage contract.”
“No?” I grab the back of her neck and force her to look into my eyes. “Tell me, Alex. Do you love me?”
She remains silent for several minutes, nostrils flaring whenever I tease closing the distance between us.
“If we weren’t who we are now,” I continue in a low voice, “if we were normal people, what would you feel for me?”
Thunder cracks the silence, the sonic boom rattling the windows and causing Alex to jump. I release her neck and lean back into my seat, turning away from her. “Good night, Alex.”
“Tommy, I—”
“I said, good night.”
Once Alex is out of the truck, the sky breaks open, rain pelting the roof of my vehicle so hard that it sounds like the roaring ocean. I sit for a few minutes, allowing the thrum of noise to wash over me, to heal me, to cleanse away the things I feel for that stupid girl with her dumb heart.
If the only time I get to fuck Alex is in front of other people, then so be it. I give up.
It seems to be what she wants, anyway.